You And Me In Pink Lights...

So come the evening,
I'm out on the dunes, looking for a token, something to prove...
All I remember is more than a flame...
In my fantasy fire.
In comes the morning,
I'm stood in my track, looking at the reasons, for me to head back...
So unexpected, the kindness you've shown,
That I will not forget it.
Whatever I've done to receive, whatever I need to redeem, whatever you say, even if I wait a lifetime...
I know, I swear, if you leave a light on, if you leave a light on for me,
I'll come there,
You can leave a light on for me.
You breathe the will into the weak,
And coax the cage bird to fly free,
You ease the lost cause out of me,
With your sweet hand to bring me home...
I'm not alone.
I know, I swear...
If you leave a light on, if you leave a light on for me,
I'll come there.
You can leave a light on for me...
I'm not sure how to take this, but this a new, fantastic twist and turn in the life of the...
THE GRAVEH.
Sure, I'm scared of alot of things, and reassurances be damned.
SPLOOSH?!?!?
"He doth."
Doth he?
"Methinks he do."
Lori, let's owe it to ourselves. Let's just let.
Not sleeping dogs lie,
Let them stir,
And go to war.
Proclaim intent...
And win.
And overcome,
The old me...
The old you.
Let us go to war, and WIN.
Win what we deserve. Win what we need. What we deserve... in life.
To live.
In love.
You/Me.
Them/Us.

Mud Pies Are Tasty...

Yesterdays and today,
keeping the wolves at bay,
putting them down,
closing the town...
hoping what comes just may.

Howdy, folks. Chiefs won today, though I personally didn't see it go down. We are back in the driver's seat with Oakland losing to Pittsburg.
The world is a dark, dark place. You know how in movies the guy gets a second chance? Doesn't happen in real life. Real life is about getting pushed back down into the mud and mmmm, don't it taste good.

Hence...

So I'm really drunk right now and am watching She's Out Of Your League. My chest hurts, it really hurts.
Hence the moustache...

Me Hate You Hate Me Hate You Hate Me...

OFF THE TOP OF MY HEAD:
From the cleansing of the soul comes...
The power of Persuasion?
Alot of realities realised. Alot of thoughts being thought and...
Rejected. My brain processes aren't like most, yet they are as basic as anyone else. I'd guess you'd call them unique or more than a tste for the bland. In the end, everything has been done before.
Had I lived thousands upon thousands of years, I'd be a prophet. You'd turn an ear, you'd be apt to have your ears stand on end, let alone the end of your hairstrands...
You know what I mean now.
I found the great unreleased Adam Ant album around the same time as I lost my mind and pride I thought was unloseable. Funny, I know, right?
Have I lost my creativity? Let me know if you've seen it.
To have the world at your feet is to expect to end up at that very spot.
If you think this is a wrestling match with my faith, you are sorely wrong and should exit stage left immediately.
It is more an understanding of my current place and station in life, yet a yearning for more. To break out and strike it rich...
For the last couple of years at least I've been confusing downtroddeness with fury over mein own complacency.
What the fuck is wrong with me?
I will figure this out, fix it, and show you the results. I'm so mad at myself right now. I meant good always, yet lost touch/faith in myself.
Things that I promise to myself:
I will stop killing my future.
I will slow the fuck down.
I will look people in the eye and kill them... metaphorically.
I will learn to shut my bitch ass mouth.

In the end, I'm well liked because I am brutally honest, even to myself. Am I alone? Probably not, but it will be squeezed out of you. It will be dashed upon the rocks of reason and reality. Trust me, I was once like, maybe even a little more ready to leap...
Never leapt, I am too scared to reveal myself to the likes of anyone that could ever hurt me with the knowledge they possess. Cryptic fucker, ain't I?
I reach out my hand, do you take it?
Do you cringe, or make a fatal mistake?
Do you glow, do you glitter?
Do you have that new car smell?
Like a bull in a China shop...

Yeah, I'm drunk but still...
I'm a madman.
The only people that matter have spoken. As a Repuplican, I've been wating and waiting for my luck to change. You need more than two years, while you gala-muthafucking-vant around the country? Fuck you, Obama, we voted, you"re soon to be lost in the shuffle...
Fuck you, I'm broke as shit thanx to your new "deals"...

Zappa-Luv...

Some guy from the ZAPPA forum hosted these. Amazing shots, a,azing everything.

oh, paul, i want be your babydoll.
Still can't typr, or see straight. Let me call it for you...

before you... slip into... unconsciousness... i'd... like to have a... nother kiss. another flashing glance at bliss, another kiss. another kiss. is death really ugly? i can only hope it is a rebirth, a rebirth. a death anew. life, is that you? i reject you, and hate you, yet love you. i contradict myself, and then i die again. and then die again. wait until he sleeps, wait until he sleeps. will it come soon? will it come soon?

Regal Smeagol...

So this is my little sweety, a dependent fought long and hard for in a knock down, drag out custody battle for the ages...
I love her. When I got her, she was kind of malnourished and neglected. I need to spend more time letting her stretch her legs. Too much time caged...
She's getting fatter now, but last night a mouse was in her cage eating her food, she almost got him. Next time...
I would love for her to eat raw meat, or maybe boiled chicken. Someday I want to raise a farmload of them, throw in live chickens and watch them devour it, feathers and all. This would be sweeeet.
Here she is, doing what she does best: SLEEP.
She can be quite a handful. Before she had a cage, she ran free, but I got tired of her not using her litterbox. Bad move on her part, because I ain't having it. I wish she would play more and hide less. She always wants you to chase or find her, and she can get into places you can't readily pull her out of.
Still, all in all, she is a great pet, I just wish I had more free time for her. I want to start making kickass ferret movies of her frolicking. We could all take note from a page in her book. That is if she could actually write some shit down, right?
So this is my little pet, dost thou liketh?
She has never bitten anyone, and I doubt she would. But if you are lower down on the food chain...
Watch out!
She used to ride my guinea pig and then sink her teeth into its shoulder. The shrieks were unbearable, so I got rid of the guinea pig. Besides, she stank, and shit constantly. And did nothing. If you were sneaking around the house in the dark, she would bust me out. When I'd be fucking, she'd make noise and throw me off, the little bitch.

So Hot, You're Cool...

Show me my favorite beauty spot...
Tie me up in a love knot.
Boiling everybody up...

This is how I run. No middle, only extremes.
I am sick today. My sinuses are killing me, my nose is dripping goo, and my lungs want to cave in on me all the time. I need a nurse, one in particular...
I don't know if I mentioned earlier, but if you get a chance to see The Walking Dead on AMC on Halloween night, then please do. You won't be sorry. Very nice zombies in that one. Done respectfully.
Don't see Paranormal Activity 2, or you will be sorry.
I'm going to see Ronnie Milsap Thursday night at the casino. That would be cool to meet him. I want to test his sense of smell by throwing some Silent But Deadly's his way and see how he reacts. Would his superpowers kick in and be able to tell from whose buns didst this gas pass from?
Would he even know what was on the menu the night before?
"Ummmm... meatloaf?"
Nope. But you're getting warmer...
"It's gotta be sloppy joe's, son!"
Right you are, Mr Milsap, right you are...

Thus the thread title...

Eggs Benedict Arnold...

Soon I have to skeedaddle but I will ramble at you for a few...
Some idiotic bitch tried to get me in trouble for putting for the suggestion that we should put exploding chips in the brainstems of illegal immigrants we catch which will detonate upon further crossings of the border.
Geeeeeeez.
Somebody's gotta come up with ideas here. I'm just spitballing. Anyway, said bitch trying to make me look all racial up in this piece.
Now, at least, I can say I hate one Mexican...

Chiefs lost again, on a bad fucking call. Somehow they are still on top of the division. Also, my Missouri Tigers moved up to 11 in the rankings while Arkansas dropped down almost where they belong...
In the toilet.
I have to go to my daughter's choir concert in a bit and am finishing up a nice little bake out session. Sounds better stoned as long as they don't do any more fucking Glee crap. Who the fuck really likes that shit?
I didn't like it the first time around when it was called Fame and Leroy wore supertight pants to show his package off to all the other prancing girlyboys.
OK, now not against gay people, just saying. If your kid likes this crap, worry.
Wonder what scared my parents? I like Olivia Newton John and the Pet Shop Boys...
Hmmmmmm.
Didn't take much to assure my parents Graveh was about ze poonanny.
Just a nice pair of footprints on the inside of my sunroof.
High five.

Severed Ties...

I miss you. You are dead to me now, or are you? Yet my memories never die. How you fucking hurt me.
Sad. Sad. SAD.
Everything is wrong, everything is wrong. Tell me what to do?
Up is down, right is wrong. Life is never what it seems. Love me, love me, LOVE ME.
I hate you, I hate you. I have never been wrong, yet never right. When will come my time?

Dark Days Indeed...

You know what that white stuff is on top of birdshit?
It's birdshit, too. Actually, it's probably their urine or whatever. Chickens have the same thing.
Who gives a fuck, right?
I just finished rereading The Invisible Man again, all on the toilet. Take that how you will, but he's a great writer. So is Michael Moorcock. Darkness...
Look deeply into mein eyes. Know that they search over your contemptible carcass with disdain. I hate you. I want to bathe in your juices. I want to dance with you as mein lifeless puppet.
Dirty brown...
Floppin' around...
Puffed up and bloated when the sun goes down...
So my beloved Chiefs are no longer undefeated, which is fine since they are doing way better than everyone thought. They are still in first place in their division, so suck it haters.
I made a giant deer chili Saturday. It was very spicy and wow. Ass dribblin's galore for the weak/week.
What else?
Soon to straighten a bunch of crap out. Wonder what it will bring with it?
Torn on a daily basis, inside and out/literally and metaphorically.
To want for yourself is often considered crime, one that is paid for to the very end.
The only other choice is to outlive.
Or outdistance...
Or outsource.
(Ha!)

My Only Friend, The End...

Howdy folks...
Been away for awhile, due to messed up internet. Thought I'd splooge all over this blog real fast.
Saw Let Me In. It wasn't bad, and Hit Girl was awesome in it. A- to be sure.
Work still sucks, I have to work at another plant tomorrow. Wish I didn't but at least it's not miles and miles away this time.
I will probably have to hook up another modem soon, this one has a built in router. I just hate messing with it all. Give me my porn now!!!
Also, Vampire Wars is pretty boring now that they've pussed out the game. I think I will quit soon and dump that account.
Boring, boring. But I'm working through the mope and almost imagining I see a tiny pinprick of hope. Things are better, but I'm still a little tender.
I have a friend/dealer that always wants to hang out. He reminds me of my friend Jay. There is always some kind of catch when you're with him. I prefer to toke alone for this reason. He calls me daily, I find myself avoiding him at work or anywhere else.
I need ME time. End of story...
Back off, world.

The "I Don't Need a Fucking Picture" Post...

So let me set the scenario: Born in '72, I grew up in the 80's. Reagan was a last bastion of what used to be good about us/U.S. All the TV shows had a good ending. Was this a big set up for shortcomings in the future?
My two favorite TV shows right now are Charles in Charge and Freaks and Geeks. WHY?
You fucking figure it all out, Einstein...
I'm a good guy, so why do I always end up with egg on my face. I want to change my life. I'm starting to understand that I cannot, or WILL NOT, continue to live like this.
Why are life's mistakes tinged with just... enough to make you not regret it?
I have the world's greatest kid, yet I neglect. Guess I subconsciously blame her for my own fuck ups. For that, I'm truly sorry. She is the only person in the wolrd that I can always bank on without fail. Never overdrawn, never expected to explain my constant bullshit...
So I'm watching Freaks and Geeks, and I'm crying.
Why?
Young love, and the fact that it never works out in the end. I'm seriously thinking about giving everything up. I just can't take LIFE anymore. I want to be with someone that doesn't try to hurt me. I'm pretty dull to most of it all, but still...
THE MEEK SHALL INHERIT NOTHING.
I am the life of the party, heyyyyyyyyyyyy, I'm the party clown. I will juggle, I will do somersaults. I will make you a super-fucking-special balloon animal that will rock your fucking world.
Who will make the clown laugh, who will make him forget how bad life has treated him.
Me?
My net is fucked, as much as is my life.
Imagine had you met me as a child, a teenager. Motivation? Fuck yeah.
Unfortunately naive and just... plain... stoopid.
I tire of this, I tire of feeding everyone cryptic and secretive feelings. Everyone knows me as the life of the party, everyone knows me for making them laugh...
The only thing missing is idiotic balloon animals.
I used to live my life, now I just can't wait for it to end. I almost restarted it, then I fucking wavered...

Here Comes Da Judge, Here Comes Da Judge...

Whee doggies!!!
My net has been fritzing out on me of lates, so this post better not be for naught.
Anyhoo, saw Resident Evil whatever. Twas mighty inebriated, and fell asleep for about half of it. What I do semi remember was that it was kind of lame. Bummer. It'll make alot of money and they'll do another crappy one. I want a reboot, but like the games...
AND NO FUCKING ALICE!!!
I would be happy if they made movies like Regeneration and started from the beginning. Get good actors to do voices, perfect even for making them in 3D.
I would love it. I thought the gloomy, grungy feel of video style in RE4 was the bomb. Of course they would have to polish it up a little, but dayumn. Anything is better than the shit they are pulling now. Geeeez.
So anywaysssss.....
Just kicking back here alone. And wow, I've been posting alot more here lately. It would've been more if it wasn't for my net. Nothing worse than typing a lengthy heartfelt post and then hitting enter and...
Nada.
So yeah, as you can tell I'm bored. Ate at Buffalo Wild Wings and it was lame as usual. Shitty food, long wait. Best to get buzzed before you order. I didn't have that option but I toked up as best as I could on short notice. Their wingies taste like shit, but I got some black and bleu burger thangie. All I'm gonna say is, "Ehhhhhhhhhhhh."
They're just lucky I was really hungry. Their Bloody Mary's are lame too. Yuck, tabasco sauce. I prefer Tapatio and alot of pepper.
I may have to raid the kitchen later and MacGuyver the shit out of some food. I'm that good.
Ta-ta for now, if I think of anything worthwhile, I will say howdy doo once again. Need inspiration.
Need some Charles in Charge season 2.
Don't judge me.

Ehhhh.....

A place where nobody dared to go...
Heaven, with tears, and pain once again. I'm tired of surprises. She, she, she...
WHY?!!?
Xanadu doesn't exist at all. I kept trying to tell myself this. I was wrong. You are killing me, you are killing me. My heart hurts so much. Why are you yet another person to reappear in my life, you are all like some sort of cruel purgatory.

Russell Porpoise...

Today I went to see The Last Exorcism, which sucked donkey balls. Very Blair Witch.
Right now I'm laughing to Harland Williams, but earlier I was getting some Olivia Newton John love going. The question is:
Would a little more love make it right?
Are my dreams really hanging out in Xanadu?
I went to a party last night. I was stoned when I arrived, and went outside to smoke more. Then I got roped into shots of tequila. They weren't very big, maybe half sized. I wish I could've stayed a little longer to drain their bar, and forget to have trouble sleeping once more...
Invisibility, I think that would be a swell power. You could do whatever you wanted with it, bad or good. Maybe even a mixture of both.
You could become the truth, no one would know if you were in the room, or on the scene...
You could become vengeance, and retribution. Worldwide, or just in your own neck of the woods...
You could haunt someone, become their worst nightmare. Kill the ones they love and make them pay for having the gall, the nerve...
Personally, I think I would find a way to be an assassin. Kill some high profile people: Kim Jong Il, the Iranian guy whose name I can't pronounce or spell, and maybe Hugo Chavez to piss Sean Penn and Kevin Spacey off. Then take case by case jobs afterward and decide on my own if they are worthy to my personal cause.
Ahhh, to be a shark!!!
But to have a porpoise...
Don't be an octopuss.

Assface...

Have I been showing my ass again?
Worked today, had lots of drama there. Probably going to get some idiot schlub fired who served me a shitty breakfast in the cafeteria. Long story, but an email got sent to the VP of the company which got a response in about five minutes.
Heads rolling and asses handed...
I was supposed to go to some idiot party where they were going to kill two goats, then they were going to do karaoke. Somewhere in there I guess I'm some douche racist for getting sick on some shitty Mexican food, pardon moi, and got uninvited. Like I wanted to go anyway. They also said I complained about how shitty Mexican music is, which it is...
Well, it is!
So I think we were talking about seeing that new Exorcism movie. I bet it will suck, but we will see. Saw Survival of the Dead, it wasn't bad, but the CG was cold and lifeless. I think that's what pisses most of the fans off. Gotta do it right.
Someone give George Romero a decent budget to work with then. Fans bitch, but I don't see them chipping in...
OK, mein little chalupas. Time to check da Bookface.

Flying Fucked-Upped-Ness...

I get knocked down...
But I get up again?
Sadly, I am like Jason. I can't be killed.
Believe me, I've tried. I just don't think it can be done. I drink, I smoke, I masturbate too close to the screen. I even stand with my nuts next to the microwave when I'm cooking a kickass BBQ beef sammich...
So that, just in case, my kids still unborn will be too blissfully retarded to know WTF is going on in this mixed up shithole.
Dark sun rose on the ridge, cut clear across the sky,
As good a day as any to die...
No reservation, madam,
No reason to know why...
Running late, stiletto heels,
Try to cruise, send out the wheels...
Daily, I get no reprieve from the thoughts that torment me so. I get to see where I went wrong, I get to see...
The mess that was created. I'd say by me, but I'm not entirely sold on that point yet. I will say I'm not without fault.
I guess I'm just saying that anyone caught in the wirlwind of my bullshit came there of their own volition. You thought I was sane: I am not.
You thought I was just rolling in the motherfucking dough: I am not.
I will never trust or believe in something that is too good to be true. I can still smell the sizzled flesh from the last time.
I would like to believe you never meant to hit me in the face like this, metaphorically speaking... of course.
When you live on the hopes and dreams of other, and forget about yourself, then at some point you will be thrown to the wolves.
Torn asunder. Where do you go from there?
I do not GET ants, or anything else in the animal kingdom. Is evolution a one way ticket to suicide?
Does our thinking lead us off the beaten path to spiritual enlightenment?
Hogwash and poppycock!!!
You spend your life in preparation for this day,
Breathe in the air, it's loaded with fame...
check out those weapons, sister, before you hit that fray,
String of pearls meet bits of gems...
ENTER THE BATTLE OF THE LENSES...
I want nothing, yet I want it all. I want to want nothing perhaps. Is this a struggle we all yet face?
I pretend to know nothing. Sadly, I know how it all turns out.
Want to know where it all leads?
We live in a cruel world where innocents die daily, yet we couldn't be bothered to give a fuck. Personally, I'm oblivious to it all. You could die in front of me and I couldn't give a flying fuck...
I live to not hear the noise of your dying breath. I live to hear you just not BE anymore.
I also like to project feelings about myself...

TBC...

I think I petered myself out writing all that. Vacation going good so far. Talked to my nephew on Facebook, and friended a few cousins around the world. My dad keeps posting up some pretty kickass pictures on his page. I put a link up on the top right corner of the page to my page.
Page, page, page.
Paging Dr. Douchebag...
I realise my ramblings are not as interesting when I'm sober, but I'm sure that will be remedied in no time flat. I also need a smokie smokie or three to wash it down with. It just seems like the internet is dead to me lately again. I guess I should watch my words because that is usually the cue for my net to go down and leave me hanging.
I watch alot of documentaries and read alot online. And anytime someone poses a question I'm not sure about... I find out. Then I read a little farther back into it. I like to be in the know when I'm talking.
Sadly...
To be continued.