Friday, March 30, 2007

Giving Up the Goat: No Meat Fridays!!!

Can't get any on Friday because your old lady is Catholic and has decided you must do without as she is, for our Lord and Saviour...?
Well, do what any reasonable man would when looking at a pitched tent a few minutes after 12 early early Friday...
Set the clock back twenty minutes or so.
It works too, I'm sated, she's still within the boundaries of her religion, and Lil Beavis is fast asleep yet again! The only thing I feel bad now about is lying and saying I wasn't coming back here again afterwards. But there may be others out there in a similar predicament!
"That's the longest it's ever taken you to make a sammich, boah!!!"
Ok, ok, I'll give up the goat for now, but tomorrow we shall talk of safaris...

Wednesday, March 28, 2007

The Pearly Gates of Heck!!!

Um... so far on vacation: Cleaned up my computer room. Masturbate like a spidermonkey. Kidding, but I did watch Turistas last night...
"Like the segway there?"
It was pretty good. Too bad I didn't see it at the theaters, but I just knew it was about extreme organ "donation."
I will never be a donor!!!
They only have a small time frame with which to work with your organs. This means they will keep your body alive as long as they can, possibly even during the operation. Fuck that. And don't even try to tell me that it is not true. I don't want to hear it. I'm not planning on taking them with me to the Pearly Gates of Hell, but the mind is still uncharted territory as far as I'm concerned. No one's last moments should be like that.
"Thus we three have united on this particular front. That which is GRAVEH hath spoken."
Turistas was fantastic movie. I give it an A. Fuck, that movie had me squirming!!! And so many dark ladies to enjoy...
This picture is what I've been doodling on for the past few days. Trippy shit...

Sunday, March 25, 2007

Sandler Reigns Supreme...

I saw this with my daughter last night, the other two kids went to see the new Ninja Turtles movie instead. It's a good thing too, because they would've been hem-hawwing all the way through it, which was a hair over two hours. Although a few chuckles are in there, Sandler's posse is nowhere to be found and it turns out to be very serious fare indeed...
But the Sandman held his own quite nicely, as did the rest of the cast. Liv Tyler could just stand there with those huge ass lips and that would be enough. Jada Pinkett/Smith makes me wanna dig down deep when she wears her hair long like that too. Donald Sutherland, on the other hand, doesn't do it for me at all. I keep flashing back to Animal House where he was a teacher banging that dood's chick and there was a scene where he reaches up in the cabinet and you can see his ass and a hint of his old, gross balls!!! Yuck, dood!
A- is the score peoples naw. It is slow going, but builds nicely. Hope it made some money, but I'm rarin' to go for some Sandler schtick soon too. Chuck and Larry...
Next weekend is Blades of Glory and who knows what else. And I'm hoping to blog daily something, hell anything.
Stay tuned...

Saturday, March 24, 2007

Two Shakes and a Pecker Hoot...

All this upcoming week too. I can't wait to not get up at 5:30 am every day and to take my morning dump without having to hurry the process along any. We saw The Hills Have Eyes 2 last night. It really wasn't that good but the kills were nice. Or when people fell to their deaths...
Unfortunately, that's what this movie did. I didn't care much for it and gave it a C because, although it was gory, the characters were lame as fudge and the actual mutants were just plain gay. They looked like rejected ideas from Wrong Turn, or Toxic Avenger suits that had gone horribly wrong. The trailer for this had given me hope, but I was wrong. I love how the first thing a mutated hillbilly wants to do when they "git" you is cornhole the bejesus out of you!!!
"It's jes' wro-o-o-o-o-o-ng!!!"

Soon the hound of hell will be upon us. That's right, I said hound. Singular. Were there more already, we'd not even be having this conversation in the first place.
So, as you can see, I'm gonna be playing alot of Resident Evil 4 while I'm on vacation, and maybe doing a little work on the house and yard if it is nice out. Otherwise my dance card is empty. Maybe a trip to Best Buy in there, or maybe go see the new Sandler flick. I definitely wanna get my workouts done in the daytime and work on a little heat desensitization. Go out and fry a few good times to get those sweat glands tweeked for the coming summer blast. It really does work, and speeds up your metabolism too. Once you get that thing going, it's all downhill. So many people don't realize this...
"A shame, tis..."
I bet at least half the guys on Viagra wouldn't even need it if they'd do a push up or two!!! Cardio is the bomb, folks, and I haven't had an ass cramp slow my groove down in a long time. Not happy with your life? Take up a slow jog on a daily basis and get back to me, you won't be disappointed. Now I know what you wanna know next. Why are the the other half taking Viagra?
They're probably all porn stars, or aspiring. The downside to this is losing vision and I'd wager in the end, your pecker won't be worth a hoot. Or two shakes...
"My way's better, methinks..."
I'm going to some casino in Seneca, Mo in a little while. Time to roll a few and pray for heavy thundershowers...

Monday, March 19, 2007

Collage Fromage Homage...

Another medley of pictures lurking in the void. Uncle Jimbo surfaces again to take control of the nether regions using only his nether regions. Ronbone and Bobo can only watch in eager titillation.
"And anticipation..."
Of what is to come when the transformation and the coronation are complete!!! The mark of JIMBO will be upon us all by then.
"Let the Baptism of Jism begin!!!"
Yet there is another who could stop this. Would he not come forth and claim his more rightful and benevolent place among the heavens? He is of the blood of Bobo, turtlekin, and yet to be revealed in this storyline.
But soon the gears will begin to turn, setting off the mechanism for which will bring in a new era, one of wonderful tragedy and gleeful melancholy. The sound of the bones of the unworthy crunching underfoot will be sweet music to behold. A darkness will fall as to dampen even the most abundantly fueled flame.
"The Battle of Brothers has begun!!!"

Trippin' with Russ and Paco!!!

I went home sick today. Yes, the old Graveh's tummy was hurting him some so he called in his chips, packed it all up, and rode the wagontrain back out to the homestead a little early today.
"8:30 to be exact..."
I came back here and went through some more old pictures and found one of Russell, and one of Paco and I as well.
Good times!!!
The first is of Russell sitting in my parent's house out in the country. He still had hair, so this is at least around 1991. In the regular picture you can see that he is baked out of his gourd and ravenous with hunger. I still miss you buddeh!!! Keith told me he had dream about you recently: That a crowd of people were at a mysterious Jerry-Bear show and no one could see him but one person, who was also the only one standing. Letting us know you're with Jerry now. I can dig on that!

The other is Paco, somewhere in 1995. He's been accused, and even hoped, of being dead. Twice now even!!! Nice mullet, Grav'ster. I have no idea what I was thinking, and offer no excuses. Let the picture stand for what its worth...
Racial harmony!!!

Saturday, March 17, 2007

Feeling the Bleu: Enjoy the View...

Bleu Graveh...
I am in the midst of cleaning out my closet and came upon a bag of pictures...
"Sidetracked again..."
I'm scanning quite a few of them and will use as stock footage in the future whenever I just don't have time to whip up a shitty looking Windows paint jobbie!
Woopety DOO!!!
I would tell you about Dead Silence but it was kind of retarded, a new millenium's Darkness Falls. Instead of looking at her, it's screaming you have to worry about. She'll get your tongue if you do. Something about silencing those who silenced her, and a bunch of other far fetched shizzle. I gave it a C-, and I think that is pretty generous. The special effects and creepiness kept it out of D range.
"And so we come to the next choice of topping to be ladled on, lovingly, to be perused by your visual palate..."

A happier time for the old Graveh? To become the Illusionist again and just... make us both disappear. Start over. Be all that I'd planned on being without the time lost. But I guess the downside would have to be something like I'd still have all the memories that drove me to this fantasy voyage in the first place.
I guess I'm just down or something. I'm feeling the Bleu more than the black and white right now.
"Can ya feel me, Clyde, can ya... feel me...?
The world is without flavor, the fever has subsided. I am anxious, yet do not know why, because I hunger for nothing. I feel unquenchable, but I have no thirst. Worse than feeling too much, I feel void of all emotion right now. The evils I could accomplish right now, the plagues I could unleash...
The fires to blaze...
And burn!
Cleanse it all by peeling away the brittle, crumbly layers of self absorption and refusal to face the things that go bump in the night, like the charred pages of a scorched book. I once wanted and had love for all things.
What is more maddening: the realization, or the wayward path I took to get to this precipice from which I now hang, one handed from? And why do I speak of it as if it means nothing to me?
I don't even feel anger over it anymore, it is more akin to throwing one's arms in the air as if in silent pleading. And looking helplessly skyward.
Ironic when it feels like I'm plummeting the other direction...
"Will I ever touch down again, let alone hit the target?"
Will I even care when I get there...?
Like I've said before, I'm wont to see this thing thru until the big show. I like fire, and how the flames howl and lick at the night. But opportunity may present itself with an unyielding enticement at a moment's notice.
I can't seem to find the right lie,
I can't seem to find the right lie,
Insanity's horse,
Adorns the sky,
Can't seem to find the right lie...

Maybe it's with the remote, under the couch...

Friday, March 16, 2007

Chilleh Billeh Say RELAX!!!

The IDOL one.
I at one time had planned on recreating that on my own Senior picture. As I was an avid pothead back then, I didn't end up having the money to do it right, so I had my friend's dad take them, at a nice and reasonable price. To this day the guy still knows exactly who I am when I call. Uncanny!
So the reason why I called ye brethren here today is to discuss what is wrong with me lately. I thought it might be the Creatine I was taking after my workouts, but it wasn't. Thank Gawd for that, I'm getting some nice bulkiness now. I then believed it might possibly be that I was working out too hard, thinking the Creatine would, falsely, make me push past my limit and just plain weaken me to the core. Once again, big fat NO. Then today I was at work and turned my head to the side and suddenly felt extremely disoriented. The tornado behind your eyes feeling is never fun. I used to have it all the time, because I smoked like a freight train and was sick alot. I had a piercing headache after that and was kind of moody and silent with everyone around me. Now I'm stricken with the sniffles. This can mean only one thing:
The damn guinea pig gave me some kind of head/sinus/cold/thingie!!!
OK, maybe it wasn't her, but I had to stay home last Friday with my son, similarly afflicted with what I have now a little. I guess the fitness and vitamins helped but in the end, deadly tobacco won out once again. I don't smoke very much but like to have them on the road or back here when on the net. It's just who I am. But I'm gonna have to stop now because I don't want to be bedridden for Spring Break coming up after this next week.

" A four headed Billeh monster, oh my gawwwd it's comin' right for us!!!"
These make great wallpapers, by the way. Tonight we are going to see Dead Silence. Shit better be good too, or there will be hell to pay. Meaning I will harumpf alot and move around all fidgety like, pissing off others in a chain reaction that will end only in tragedy for all ensnared within this web of general disdain for the film and its patronage. I will also dump out an entire one pound bag of M&M's on the floor from near the back of the theater for two reasons:
One, because it really pisses people off and yet they never seem to know who actually did it after it happens. Two, because I just... like... the noise. Should there ever be any more reason that that?
Afterwards, I will hopefully be back here to watch a bunch of DVDs I rented ealier this week and tell you all what up with the movie in postageness. Until then, you're just going to have to fucking chill...

Tuesday, March 13, 2007

300 Spartan Spears...

In answer to an earlier comment on a post, the answer is...
"I did happen to see one of the best movies of the year the other day."
It was a fantastic movie, and in research later on the net, found alot of it, sans monsters, was pretty darn true. There is a scene where the enemy rain down enough arrows to blot out the sun. The actual spot and oodles of arrows were found, making this all the cooler. I gave this movie an A. There isn't much finer than this, but I don't want to spoil this one. The enemy got weirder and meaner as it went along, and Xerxes was one creepy looking tall, bald dood. Nice face jewelry. It was a thrill ride from start to finish! It was over two hours long but you don't even notice. If Lord of the Ring would have had fight scenes like this?
The unrated DVD for this will be un-fucking-believable! There were limbs aflyin', but you could tell they darkened the blood so they could stay with an R rating. Even then, a few times they pushed the envelope. I thank them for this. I hope it made shitloads of money!
And it did, I just checked: 70 million so far!!!
I'd give it an A+, but I'm reserving that for the new Spiderman movie...
"Or the new Will Ferrell/Jon Heder movie, Blades of Glory!"
Hell, I haven't even seen trailers for Sandler's Chuck and Larry yet...

Saturday, March 10, 2007

I Am The Heir Of Nothing In Particular...

When you say it's gonna happen now...
Well, when exactly do you mean?
See I've already waited too long...
And all my hope is gone...

My hand hurts. I whacked the shit out of it yesterday at one of the worst times possible.
I'm gonna leave this one vague.
How ya like dem apples...?
300 tonight if I'm lucky...

Sunday, March 04, 2007

Pinning The SHAT to the Mat...

But did Shatner have alibis for the nights in question? Hardly!!!
The first agreed on Zodiac killings were shortly before his previously lauded Star Trek came to a sudden and seemingly permanent demise. He admits unhappiness in being unable to find work in Hollywood.
"But inside... he rages!!!"
Subsequently, after the final Zodiac letters in '74, he settles nicely, for a time, into a western secret agent themed Barbary Coast, where the demons could stew and ferment. Then on to T.J. Hooker fame. The rest, well... you know what happened...
Multi-galaxial infamy!!!
And who would dare question a man of his stature? The perfect crime I say, but those are just my theories. The other suspects have all but dried up or died out.
"But the tale would not end here folks..."
In 1999, his wife mysteriously drowned in their pool. Autopsy cited alcohol and Valium in her system, yet made no mention of phaser burns on her buttocks region and why he had met with police in a black hooded suit, which has been described as a Ninja outfit for grown Waterhead babies. And he was cleared of all charges by the LAPD. I mean why not, he's..
The "SHAT"
"The Vegans are lurking about..."
Shatner might be considered a little extreme for a Vegan, but a wise man would heed these words. Ever seen one chop a head of lettuce? Suck the eyes out of a potato? Gobble down an ear of corn?
Devour the heart of an artichoke?!?!?!?
A shout out to Noel, if he be reading, and another conspiracy theory yet to be sifted though by our nation's finest. I gave Zodiac a solid B. The first half is explosive then loses steam for all but diehard detective show watcher... uh... people.
With Doohan gone, there are none left to challenge The "SHAT".
"He stalks unchecked through the backlot jungles of the city nightlife still..."
Who will be next?

Friday, March 02, 2007

ZODIAC, the Man in Black...

Instead of seeing some lame old fogies movie with John Travolta and Martin Lawrence, I'm blasting my way into the theaters to see Zodiac tonight. I know Martin is gonna have to rely on his physical (physically trying) comedic skills and Travolta will rely on, um... his chin cleft? I've read a book or three about Zodiac, and a few other crappy older movies, so maybe this will be the one. I'm also a little fuzzy on the details...
Maybe I will get a little unfuzzed afterwards, if I'm not too fuzzed during. I saw Jake Gyllengillenhalengill, or whatever the fruit his name is, is in it, I hope it doesn't blow like Jarhead, or The Day After. I so wanted those wolves to get him...
This better be good and break the chain of shitty movies I've stepped in lately. I'm warming up with long clips from Tom Green's show on the net, via his self titled site. Check it out, it's hilarious, and supposedly he does nightly shows. I'm not sure though. They don't even come in for me, must be firewall or something. I just watch the reruns on youtube later...
Peace out, and happy hunting!!!

The Shake-N-Bake-Toe-Jamb-Break!!!

Yesterday I was running around the house. Literally. So I get up, sprint to the left to get out the door, a straight run up through the next room, dodge kids' toys as I veer left yet again, the past the vacuum cleaner strewh haphazardly across the hallway.
"Herein lies my problem..."
As I come racing through my kids' room, I see the vacuum up ahead and try to give it a little extra. But I swing my right foot out a little too wide and catch some sharp ass piece of wood on the door jamb thingie.
I try to shake it off and finish strong so as not to whimper like a puppy in front of the family, and shamble into the kitchen. I look down and see what looks like my toenail completely ripped off my pinkie toe. And quite alot of blood for a pinkie toe. I make alot of strange noises as quietly as I can and stumble back to my computer room with a paper towel wrapped around my toe.
I sit down in my trusty chair and inspect the damage so's I can bandage it up properly...
"That's not toenail, Bub..."
I realize that it ain't nail...
Hurt like a bitch, and throbbed like it does in cartoons sometimes. I cleaned as best I could with alcohol and tightly bandaged it all up, then threw a sock on. Then I had some pills hat made me sleepy. Needless to say, I didn't run tonight. But I'm gonna try tomorrow, maybe a light one if nothing else.
That shit sucks. Why can't this happen to my enemies? I will be ok, however.
Wonder what comes out tomorrow at the theaters...