Saturday, October 07, 2006

Tex-Ass Home Butcher'd Meats...


They put up a new mall in Rogers, Arkansas last week. It's some lame ass thing where the stores are all separate buildings and you walk outside between the stores.
"Did hippies design this, or what?!?!?"
What are they gonna do when it rains or snows? No one will go there when the weather sucks. What a stupid idea. That's fine with me, maybe the mall in Fayetteville will be blessedly empty. Think of the sales.
Think of the bargains!!!
Inside one of these tacky looking buildings is a movie theater, a twelve screener. Everything inside is a sickly looking green, even the seats and curtainry. I prefer classic red myself. I'm old school like that.
So we head into theater number six, the 7:15 showing. They had a 7:45 showing of it in the huge theater number one. Pisses me off that I missed out on the BIG one. Something perfumey they were spraying in the air was giving me a splitting headache and locking up my sinuses and my buzz was already dissipating. They showed the most kick ass Ghost Rider trailer, then started in on the gorefest. R. Lee Ermey was in top form once again; without him, this movie would've failed miserably. The gore was top notch but a little brief, like they knew they were gonna save the goods for the unrated DVD. Head shots abounded, and limbs were sawed off. Someone gets a little sledgehammer action. Above standard fare mostly, it was alot better than the rest of the series.
"With one exception!"
Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2
Dennis Hopper and the goofball from Losing It (with Tom Cruise)plays an even wilder cousin to Leatherface. Hopper is the chainsaw dueling Texas Ranger. Check it out sometime, if'n you want the goods! It's Graveh approved, ya know!
So, I give this movie a B for trying hard. It might have succeeded if it weren't for the poison gas/fragrance they were dousing us with. But I will give a second chance on DVD. But to be honest, Leatherface was never one of my favorite bad guys...
"Shhhhhhhh!"
I put him a little above Freddy and Michael Myers. They just seem like retarded, limited characters to work with.
Now, Pinhead, there's a fantastic screen presence!
Too bad they just never did anything decent with it after the second one. I need death and utter mayhem, done up right.
Did you know Death plays the flute...?
"We played the flute in school too."
Coincidence?

"I think not..."

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