I can no longer expect or want. I just can't. Sorry to disappoint, but oh wellz...
you think it is all trivial to me?
No, it is definitely not. In the end, I cannot begin when I have not finished.
Things I cannot have. I have a series, or a set of morals, as fucked up as they are...
I can expect you to not respond.
You fell in love with someone you didn't even know...
I am a fool, or am I a tool?
I don't begin, I don't presume to even start to begin.
I bend to one knee. This time it is a little bit easier but hard as ever.
You know what?
My jaw is not of glass, my mind is not splintered. I want.
I want.
I want.
No matter how we thought we grew, we grow now. We grow now. It feels like cancer, even when it kills us. We die, to live. We die...
We die.
Tonight, pessimism reigns. See?
You were cardiac arrest, you were the life ending stroke.
You struck the match, the phoenix arose upon the life giving fire you sparked...
To crash in the ground and come anew from the ash?
It is a matter of perspective...
1 comment:
Okay, I'm not even going to begin to understand your last post.
So basically your life is better? Glad I could help you rise from the ash. Hey, that's wonderful. Congratulations.
Yet, another text this morning from someone else. (Carmelita) For fuck's sake...make it stop. I've had no other choice (since it was made for me) than to move on. Call off the hounds. Seriously.
What kills the most, is the cryptic, non-confronting messages that I see. You couldn't, at the very least, send me a message directly. And speaking in riddles? Confused? I sure as hell am.
You wanted a savior. In that, you didn't care who the fuck you hurt. I wasn't your "cardiac arrest or the stroke." And don't compare me to cancer. I didn't hurt you. The pain you feel--it's self inflicted. You won't allow yourself to be happy. You want the pot of gold at the end of the tunnel but give up when the rainbow starts to fade.
I'm not through saying "I don't care." I'm lying to myself every time. One day, I will finally believe it.
And thanks for ruining the Cure and Adam Ant for me. I don't forgive you for that. Yes, that's a fucking joke. Lighten up.
My heart was vulnerable and given to the wrong person. You held it in your hands and smashed in into the ground with a sledgehammer. But what I learned is that a million tears will always dry. Sink or swim? I'll dog paddle all the way back to the shore to survive. I'm not going down that easy.
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