Saturday, July 01, 2006

Nick Nolte, Savior of the Universe?

Barley, Hops, and the American Lay? Imagine a world where he HAD been allowed to play Superman. Beercans strew all over the Fortress of Solitude. Frozen patches of vomit consisting of cheetos and Wild Turkey 151. He wouldn't even START saving the day until AT LEAST after ten am. On top of THAT, he was almost Han FUCKING Solo!!!

I guess they would have had Mac Davis playing a more curly locked Chewbacca, complete with "swingin" medallions and I'm sure the Millenium Falcon would have a CB in there. Along with empty pints of Evan Williams and crushed cigarette packs AND randomly placed puddles of vomit. Consisting of cheetos...
You know the drill.
"Awwww, Chew-BACK-uhh, that's not a GODDAMN hyperdrive!!!
"Awwww, Jeez-USS!!!"
I've got one MORE blockbuster hit hero that he ALMOST played, you're NEVER gonna guess which one it is. But it's a biggun. I'm saving it for a later post. (Hint: Tom Selleck was also offered the role.) Nick Nolte completely blows my mind. He could have been in some of the top movies of all time. Luckily, he's a man who can't say NO to a "good time". He reminds me of ANOTHER trouser skidmark, Gary Busey. The GRILL on that "coke hoovering" space doofus alone is enough to scare ME away. I don't like naturally LOUD people. Add boisterous to the equation and you've got yourself a real, bonafide ASSHOLE on your hands. 'Nuff said on that subject.
So, I DID see Superman last night, but am completely torn on this issue. There were things I really liked. But there were ALSO things I really didn't like about it.
Things I liked: More gritty/actiony, and less PG than the predecessor, Marc Singer adds a nice touch to a franchise as cold and lifeless as Reeve' worm infested corpse. Things I did NOT like: Kevin Spacey (Hackman will forever be the definitive Lex Luthor in MY heart). That, and I just don't like Spacey. Just little things about the movie really. Things I can't explain, maybe an even more adult themed version would have been more to my liking.
At least "Soop" has a kid now. Imagine if it HAD been Nolte. There would have been super "rugrats" scattered around trailer parks all over the U.S. of A. So we can thank our lucky stars then, things are well in the multiverse once again. Hallelujah.
I'm not going to SPOIL it anymore than I already have. But the new Spiderman trailer was what got me going. Venom. Finally. Unfortunately, it's still almost a year away. See the trailer, I think I actually started to get wood watching it. I give it up to them for doing a bang up job with Spidey. That movie is going to make a shitload of money. Maybe top 10 all time material. Yes, the trailer looked THAT good.
Awwwwww, Jeez-USS, look at the time, will'ya?
So to recap:
Nick Nolte-drunken fucktard. Superman-B+ material worth seeing but a little long in the tooth. Spiderman 3-the BOMB.
Any questions...?

No comments: