Sunday, May 08, 2011

Poke Me Mon...

See if I twitch...

Plans in motion, making things easier. My problem has always been in not following the steps in order. I want to jump ahead to the good ones, then end up tumbling back to number one. Usually into a huge, steaming pile of number two.

No longer drinking, that was a good start. Feel better, actually really started hitting the gym for a week. Then my blood pressure went up, for many reasons. I am going to let my house slide away, and then file whatever you file to make it all go away being one of them.

I have no problem paying for things in cash for awhile, I did before when I came here. Not having the burden of this house will make previously difficult decisions much more doable now.

I am, for a short time, taking blood pressure medicine, which I hate because it makes me sleepy. I also am taking, also for an extremely short time, anti depressants and Klonopin.

I hate this, and will be substituting hard workouts and healthy living/eating as soon as I'm able.

The other night I went all through wikipedia searching bi polar disorder and mania, and hypomania. I'm not sure how much I believe all of that. But...

I can see hypomania. I lived on little or no sleep, was actually quite artistic and creative, obsessed on what I obsessed on. Then somewhere came a huge fall. Then again, I doubt I'm bi polar. I believe that any deviancy of thought can somehow be reprogrammed, it is just extremely hard as fuck.

Also, to answer a question posed of me elsewhere(as if they'd care to even read it): I am the only fool here. If I had a time machine, I could fix anything.

I want to be wantable, and to be deserving of it.

Here I am King of Nothing, when I thought I was but a Prince...

I'm more royalty than I thought. Too bad blue blood seems to be weaker of constitution and thin as fuck.

Time for an infusion, a transfusion.

No more confusion, and tepid delusion.

A collusion of exclusion,

Of all ignorance and illusion...

Every time I Pikachu, I Squirtle.

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