Sandler Reigns Supreme...

I saw this with my daughter last night, the other two kids went to see the new Ninja Turtles movie instead. It's a good thing too, because they would've been hem-hawwing all the way through it, which was a hair over two hours. Although a few chuckles are in there, Sandler's posse is nowhere to be found and it turns out to be very serious fare indeed...

But the Sandman held his own quite nicely, as did the rest of the cast. Liv Tyler could just stand there with those huge ass lips and that would be enough. Jada Pinkett/Smith makes me wanna dig down deep when she wears her hair long like that too. Donald Sutherland, on the other hand, doesn't do it for me at all. I keep flashing back to Animal House where he was a teacher banging that dood's chick and there was a scene where he reaches up in the cabinet and you can see his ass and a hint of his old, gross balls!!! Yuck, dood!

A- is the score peoples naw. It is slow going, but builds nicely. Hope it made some money, but I'm rarin' to go for some Sandler schtick soon too. Chuck and Larry...

Next weekend is Blades of Glory and who knows what else. And I'm hoping to blog daily something, hell anything.

Stay tuned...

Two Shakes and a Pecker Hoot...

VACATION!!!
All this upcoming week too. I can't wait to not get up at 5:30 am every day and to take my morning dump without having to hurry the process along any. We saw The Hills Have Eyes 2 last night. It really wasn't that good but the kills were nice. Or when people fell to their deaths...
"AAAAUUUUUUUURRRRRGGGGHHHHH!!!"
SPLAT!!!
Unfortunately, that's what this movie did. I didn't care much for it and gave it a C because, although it was gory, the characters were lame as fudge and the actual mutants were just plain gay. They looked like rejected ideas from Wrong Turn, or Toxic Avenger suits that had gone horribly wrong. The trailer for this had given me hope, but I was wrong. I love how the first thing a mutated hillbilly wants to do when they "git" you is cornhole the bejesus out of you!!!
"It's jes' wro-o-o-o-o-o-ng!!!"

Soon the hound of hell will be upon us. That's right, I said hound. Singular. Were there more already, we'd not even be having this conversation in the first place.
So, as you can see, I'm gonna be playing alot of Resident Evil 4 while I'm on vacation, and maybe doing a little work on the house and yard if it is nice out. Otherwise my dance card is empty. Maybe a trip to Best Buy in there, or maybe go see the new Sandler flick. I definitely wanna get my workouts done in the daytime and work on a little heat desensitization. Go out and fry a few good times to get those sweat glands tweeked for the coming summer blast. It really does work, and speeds up your metabolism too. Once you get that thing going, it's all downhill. So many people don't realize this...
"A shame, tis..."
I bet at least half the guys on Viagra wouldn't even need it if they'd do a push up or two!!! Cardio is the bomb, folks, and I haven't had an ass cramp slow my groove down in a long time. Not happy with your life? Take up a slow jog on a daily basis and get back to me, you won't be disappointed. Now I know what you wanna know next. Why are the the other half taking Viagra?
They're probably all porn stars, or aspiring. The downside to this is losing vision and I'd wager in the end, your pecker won't be worth a hoot. Or two shakes...
"My way's better, methinks..."
I'm going to some casino in Seneca, Mo in a little while. Time to roll a few and pray for heavy thundershowers...

Collage Fromage Homage...

Another medley of pictures lurking in the void. Uncle Jimbo surfaces again to take control of the nether regions using only his nether regions. Ronbone and Bobo can only watch in eager titillation.
"And anticipation..."
Of what is to come when the transformation and the coronation are complete!!! The mark of JIMBO will be upon us all by then.
"Let the Baptism of Jism begin!!!"
Yet there is another who could stop this. Would he not come forth and claim his more rightful and benevolent place among the heavens? He is of the blood of Bobo, turtlekin, and yet to be revealed in this storyline.
But soon the gears will begin to turn, setting off the mechanism for which will bring in a new era, one of wonderful tragedy and gleeful melancholy. The sound of the bones of the unworthy crunching underfoot will be sweet music to behold. A darkness will fall as to dampen even the most abundantly fueled flame.
"The Battle of Brothers has begun!!!"

Trippin' with Russ and Paco!!!

I went home sick today. Yes, the old Graveh's tummy was hurting him some so he called in his chips, packed it all up, and rode the wagontrain back out to the homestead a little early today.
"8:30 to be exact..."
I came back here and went through some more old pictures and found one of Russell, and one of Paco and I as well.
Good times!!!
The first is of Russell sitting in my parent's house out in the country. He still had hair, so this is at least around 1991. In the regular picture you can see that he is baked out of his gourd and ravenous with hunger. I still miss you buddeh!!! Keith told me he had dream about you recently: That a crowd of people were at a mysterious Jerry-Bear show and no one could see him but one person, who was also the only one standing. Letting us know you're with Jerry now. I can dig on that!

The other is Paco, somewhere in 1995. He's been accused, and even hoped, of being dead. Twice now even!!! Nice mullet, Grav'ster. I have no idea what I was thinking, and offer no excuses. Let the picture stand for what its worth...
Racial harmony!!!

Feeling the Bleu: Enjoy the View...

Bleu Graveh...
I am in the midst of cleaning out my closet and came upon a bag of pictures...
"Sidetracked again..."
I'm scanning quite a few of them and will use as stock footage in the future whenever I just don't have time to whip up a shitty looking Windows paint jobbie!
Woopety DOO!!!
I would tell you about Dead Silence but it was kind of retarded, a new millenium's Darkness Falls. Instead of looking at her, it's screaming you have to worry about. She'll get your tongue if you do. Something about silencing those who silenced her, and a bunch of other far fetched shizzle. I gave it a C-, and I think that is pretty generous. The special effects and creepiness kept it out of D range.
"And so we come to the next choice of topping to be ladled on, lovingly, to be perused by your visual palate..."

A happier time for the old Graveh? To become the Illusionist again and just... make us both disappear. Start over. Be all that I'd planned on being without the time lost. But I guess the downside would have to be something like I'd still have all the memories that drove me to this fantasy voyage in the first place.
I guess I'm just down or something. I'm feeling the Bleu more than the black and white right now.
"Can ya feel me, Clyde, can ya... feel me...?
The world is without flavor, the fever has subsided. I am anxious, yet do not know why, because I hunger for nothing. I feel unquenchable, but I have no thirst. Worse than feeling too much, I feel void of all emotion right now. The evils I could accomplish right now, the plagues I could unleash...
The fires to blaze...
And burn!
Cleanse it all by peeling away the brittle, crumbly layers of self absorption and refusal to face the things that go bump in the night, like the charred pages of a scorched book. I once wanted and had love for all things.
What is more maddening: the realization, or the wayward path I took to get to this precipice from which I now hang, one handed from? And why do I speak of it as if it means nothing to me?
I don't even feel anger over it anymore, it is more akin to throwing one's arms in the air as if in silent pleading. And looking helplessly skyward.
Ironic when it feels like I'm plummeting the other direction...
"Will I ever touch down again, let alone hit the target?"
Will I even care when I get there...?
Like I've said before, I'm wont to see this thing thru until the big show. I like fire, and how the flames howl and lick at the night. But opportunity may present itself with an unyielding enticement at a moment's notice.
"Succumb..."
I can't seem to find the right lie,
I can't seem to find the right lie,
Insanity's horse,
Adorns the sky,
Can't seem to find the right lie...

Maybe it's with the remote, under the couch...

Chilleh Billeh Say RELAX!!!

"Yessss..."
The IDOL one.
I at one time had planned on recreating that on my own Senior picture. As I was an avid pothead back then, I didn't end up having the money to do it right, so I had my friend's dad take them, at a nice and reasonable price. To this day the guy still knows exactly who I am when I call. Uncanny!
So the reason why I called ye brethren here today is to discuss what is wrong with me lately. I thought it might be the Creatine I was taking after my workouts, but it wasn't. Thank Gawd for that, I'm getting some nice bulkiness now. I then believed it might possibly be that I was working out too hard, thinking the Creatine would, falsely, make me push past my limit and just plain weaken me to the core. Once again, big fat NO. Then today I was at work and turned my head to the side and suddenly felt extremely disoriented. The tornado behind your eyes feeling is never fun. I used to have it all the time, because I smoked like a freight train and was sick alot. I had a piercing headache after that and was kind of moody and silent with everyone around me. Now I'm stricken with the sniffles. This can mean only one thing:
The damn guinea pig gave me some kind of head/sinus/cold/thingie!!!
OK, maybe it wasn't her, but I had to stay home last Friday with my son, similarly afflicted with what I have now a little. I guess the fitness and vitamins helped but in the end, deadly tobacco won out once again. I don't smoke very much but like to have them on the road or back here when on the net. It's just who I am. But I'm gonna have to stop now because I don't want to be bedridden for Spring Break coming up after this next week.

" A four headed Billeh monster, oh my gawwwd it's comin' right for us!!!"
These make great wallpapers, by the way. Tonight we are going to see Dead Silence. Shit better be good too, or there will be hell to pay. Meaning I will harumpf alot and move around all fidgety like, pissing off others in a chain reaction that will end only in tragedy for all ensnared within this web of general disdain for the film and its patronage. I will also dump out an entire one pound bag of M&M's on the floor from near the back of the theater for two reasons:
One, because it really pisses people off and yet they never seem to know who actually did it after it happens. Two, because I just... like... the noise. Should there ever be any more reason that that?
Afterwards, I will hopefully be back here to watch a bunch of DVDs I rented ealier this week and tell you all what up with the movie in postageness. Until then, you're just going to have to fucking chill...

300 Spartan Spears...

In answer to an earlier comment on a post, the answer is...
YES!!!
"I did happen to see one of the best movies of the year the other day."
It was a fantastic movie, and in research later on the net, found alot of it, sans monsters, was pretty darn true. There is a scene where the enemy rain down enough arrows to blot out the sun. The actual spot and oodles of arrows were found, making this all the cooler. I gave this movie an A. There isn't much finer than this, but I don't want to spoil this one. The enemy got weirder and meaner as it went along, and Xerxes was one creepy looking tall, bald dood. Nice face jewelry. It was a thrill ride from start to finish! It was over two hours long but you don't even notice. If Lord of the Ring would have had fight scenes like this?
OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!
The unrated DVD for this will be un-fucking-believable! There were limbs aflyin', but you could tell they darkened the blood so they could stay with an R rating. Even then, a few times they pushed the envelope. I thank them for this. I hope it made shitloads of money!
And it did, I just checked: 70 million so far!!!
I'd give it an A+, but I'm reserving that for the new Spiderman movie...
"Or the new Will Ferrell/Jon Heder movie, Blades of Glory!"
Hell, I haven't even seen trailers for Sandler's Chuck and Larry yet...

I Am The Heir Of Nothing In Particular...

When you say it's gonna happen now...
Well, when exactly do you mean?
See I've already waited too long...
And all my hope is gone...

My hand hurts. I whacked the shit out of it yesterday at one of the worst times possible.
I'm gonna leave this one vague.
How ya like dem apples...?
300 tonight if I'm lucky...

Pinning The SHAT to the Mat...

But did Shatner have alibis for the nights in question? Hardly!!!
The first agreed on Zodiac killings were shortly before his previously lauded Star Trek came to a sudden and seemingly permanent demise. He admits unhappiness in being unable to find work in Hollywood.
"But inside... he rages!!!"
Subsequently, after the final Zodiac letters in '74, he settles nicely, for a time, into a western secret agent themed Barbary Coast, where the demons could stew and ferment. Then on to T.J. Hooker fame. The rest, well... you know what happened...
Multi-galaxial infamy!!!
And who would dare question a man of his stature? The perfect crime I say, but those are just my theories. The other suspects have all but dried up or died out.
"But the tale would not end here folks..."
In 1999, his wife mysteriously drowned in their pool. Autopsy cited alcohol and Valium in her system, yet made no mention of phaser burns on her buttocks region and why he had met with police in a black hooded suit, which has been described as a Ninja outfit for grown Waterhead babies. And he was cleared of all charges by the LAPD. I mean why not, he's..
The "SHAT"
"The Vegans are lurking about..."
Shatner might be considered a little extreme for a Vegan, but a wise man would heed these words. Ever seen one chop a head of lettuce? Suck the eyes out of a potato? Gobble down an ear of corn?
Devour the heart of an artichoke?!?!?!?
A shout out to Noel, if he be reading, and another conspiracy theory yet to be sifted though by our nation's finest. I gave Zodiac a solid B. The first half is explosive then loses steam for all but diehard detective show watcher... uh... people.
With Doohan gone, there are none left to challenge The "SHAT".
"He stalks unchecked through the backlot jungles of the city nightlife still..."
Who will be next?

ZODIAC, the Man in Black...

Instead of seeing some lame old fogies movie with John Travolta and Martin Lawrence, I'm blasting my way into the theaters to see Zodiac tonight. I know Martin is gonna have to rely on his physical (physically trying) comedic skills and Travolta will rely on, um... his chin cleft? I've read a book or three about Zodiac, and a few other crappy older movies, so maybe this will be the one. I'm also a little fuzzy on the details...

Maybe I will get a little unfuzzed afterwards, if I'm not too fuzzed during. I saw Jake Gyllengillenhalengill, or whatever the fruit his name is, is in it, I hope it doesn't blow like Jarhead, or The Day After. I so wanted those wolves to get him...

This better be good and break the chain of shitty movies I've stepped in lately. I'm warming up with long clips from Tom Green's show on the net, via his self titled site. Check it out, it's hilarious, and supposedly he does nightly shows. I'm not sure though. They don't even come in for me, must be firewall or something. I just watch the reruns on youtube later...

Peace out, and happy hunting!!!

(irony...)

The Shake-N-Bake-Toe-Jamb-Break!!!

Yesterday I was running around the house. Literally. So I get up, sprint to the left to get out the door, a straight run up through the next room, dodge kids' toys as I veer left yet again, the past the vacuum cleaner strewh haphazardly across the hallway.
"Herein lies my problem..."
As I come racing through my kids' room, I see the vacuum up ahead and try to give it a little extra. But I swing my right foot out a little too wide and catch some sharp ass piece of wood on the door jamb thingie.
OUC-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H!!!
I try to shake it off and finish strong so as not to whimper like a puppy in front of the family, and shamble into the kitchen. I look down and see what looks like my toenail completely ripped off my pinkie toe. And quite alot of blood for a pinkie toe. I make alot of strange noises as quietly as I can and stumble back to my computer room with a paper towel wrapped around my toe.
I sit down in my trusty chair and inspect the damage so's I can bandage it up properly...
"That's not toenail, Bub..."
I realize that it ain't nail...
ALL MEAT!!!
Hurt like a bitch, and throbbed like it does in cartoons sometimes. I cleaned as best I could with alcohol and tightly bandaged it all up, then threw a sock on. Then I had some pills hat made me sleepy. Needless to say, I didn't run tonight. But I'm gonna try tomorrow, maybe a light one if nothing else.
That shit sucks. Why can't this happen to my enemies? I will be ok, however.
Wonder what comes out tomorrow at the theaters...

The Pop & Lock on the Number 23...

Jimbo done done it again. Fooled by a movie trailer. I wanted to go to sleep during this piece of crap. Unfortunately I'd eaten a whole bag of Reese's Pieces and was all hopped up. I'm disappointed because the whole idea, and set up, were pretty good. It just didn't have the big payoff. I hate you Jim Carrey, and the 23 Enigma can suck my wrinkly, hairless balls! I'm giving this a C-. I did find something strange when I checked my blog post. Look at the counter at the bottom of the picture...

That's right, 23!!! My daughter was born on 5/28 too, which 28 minus 5 is 23. Math lessons now. I guess this movie does inspire some learning. Go figure.

"We learned something today..."

Yes we did, yessiree! We learned that Jim Carrey will never be trusted again. At least there was nothing else out that I missed. But this has been two stinkers in two weeks. I pine for Spiderman 3...

I'm also pining heavily for the 80's. Sometimes it hurts so bad I want to die. Is this how Anne Rice's vampires felt? The sky doesn't look the same, the air doesn't smell as crisp. It is dark and stale. I want the best of both worlds.

Or to be gone from this one!

Technology and break dancing...

CAn you imagine the Tv shows and movies they would have had back then if they had this stuff? V would have been a million times cooler, and the Star Wars trilogy would have been done right the first time!!!

"I wish it were 23 years ago..."

I was in Eldon and Marshal, Missouri. I was shooting kids between the eyes with BB guns, going rollerskating 2-3 (another 23) nights a week, and staying out all night long while my dad was working the graveyard shift. I was a-laughin' and a-lovin'. Music was fine and Reagan held me in his loving arms. Fuck the 60's...

23

I am going to see this in about, oh... 39 minutes from now.
"The Number 23..."
It better be. I don't wanna look at Jim Carrey's stomach muscles, aka his 6 pack.
Wait!
6=2x3!!! Another 23!!! It never ends. Will this movie suck? Gawd, I hope not, but I will be back to share my experience yet again. Hopefully there won't be any police involvement this time either. I'm also kinda skeptical about ol Jimbo as well. I liked Ace Ventura and Dumb and Dumber but turds like Sunshine and the Truman show keep coming to mind of lates. the trailers for this were creepy enough, maybe he will make the jump successfully this time. I read it was considered Horror, but I will be the judge of that.
I also just got back from having some Chinese: wontons, an eggroll, and some hot and sour chicken. I couldn't finish it all so it's gonna do a repeat performance via microwave later upon request. A finale that can't be topped. And I have no idea where I'm going with this.
23!
"Woooooooooo, spookeh!!!"
And what is up with that saxaphone, anyway?!?!?!
Is he dreaming he's Kenny G?

Beep Beep, FutherMucker!!!

Since my favorite all time forum, CrapTV, is lost to me for the moment, I shall now share with you my listening choices of late. I basically filched the complete Cars discography from my sister, and burnt it onto a data cd, to shuffle around endlessly. I never realized they were anything more than cheese since they only showed them getting all wacky in their videos, and Ric Ocasek usually sang the lead vocals. and he's one creepy looking dude...
"So lets GO!!!"
I always preferred Benjamin Orr's voice myself. He is the reason I'd gotten onto the thought of really checking them out, then I found out he died in 2000.
Woops!!!
So I proceeded to scarf up youtube videos of them, and got my hands on the expanded debut album.
And proceeded to be... blown... away!!!
I never realized some of those songs were even by them. And that guitar player is a left handed god. To really get the full effect of these guys, you'd have to hear it all in order. Skip the reunion 1987 album or the New Cars, I burnt it for nothing other than anal completeness. I bet seeing these guys in concert would have been mindblowing. Tis sad it will never happen now...
Rest in Peace, Ben. Heard he played a final show then succumbed to cancer only six days later.
"Way to DRIVE it home..."
One last time.

All Hail El Rey!!!

I'm nearly ready to do it. Yes I am. Which will it be then? The choice is but simple...
I've got a bag of each new flavor of Dorito: Fiery Habanero, Blazin' Buffalo & Ranch, and Salsa Verde. I've liked every new flavor except Taco. Whoever came up with that should be drowned...
In the sludge that is the weepings of their failed existences.
"And so we begin..."


Fiery Habanero.
When you open the bag, nothing really jumps out at you and tickles your nosebuds. Noticeably missing is the large grained seasonings that make these bad boys what they normally are. But that's probably a good thing as my mouth is now heating up. Not bad. Not bad at all...

Blazin' Buffalo & Ranch.

After giving my mouth time to cool off, I will now tear into this bag now. I'm similarly not getting any special whiffs out of this bag, maybe I've got sinus issues. Biting into one is a pleasure, it is covered in powdery goodness from head to toe. It feel like the new Black Pepper, or dare I even say...

"The new Cool Ranch even?!?!?"

Next!

Salsa Verde.

I open the bag and my nose gets a little itchy. Hmmm. This will be a close one, the flavor is top notch but different from all the others. Yet I can't help but feel they skimped a little on the powdery goodness I do so crave. This one doesn't really grab you by the boo boo like the second one. And the first, although quite fiery, missed a texture to go with the feel of the chip.

All hail Blazin' Buffalo & Ranch!!!

You are truly a king among kings with a flavor to herald in the dawning of a new era of powdery goodness and tranquility. I regret nothing. But I knew the outcome of this battle deep down inside me. Black Pepper always got me due to its sheer pepperyness. This new one just overwhelms you, you want more til there is none. End of story.

I await the beginnings of larger bag size output of this flavor. It is the bomb. The other two are good, but this one blows them all away. I know there are a couple other flavors but I couldn't remember them, nor were there any other flavors to buy and add to the list of candidates in this quest. I also didn't want to put the originals or my current favorite in the mix. Maybe we can do a "Spice-Off" sometime in the future between Buffalo and Black Pepper. They will feel the vibrations for miles and miles.
Coming soon. Muy pronto!!! Just which is the best ice cream bar anyway? I'm gonna admit I'm already pulling for Snickers. But I'm also open to give each one their fair shot.

It just wouldn't be right not to...

So until next time:

"Keep your pantlegs covered with powder and keep reaching for your bags!!!"

Ridden Like A Dead Horse, I'd Say...

I went to see Ghost Rider last night. Because we didn't get our tickets early, someone had to wait in line. We get in and kinda all rush past the lady while she hands off the tickets to be torn. The lady asked if we were all with her as I sprinted for the door:
"They're all with you, aren't they?"
Thinking nothing of it, we sit down and await. The lady comes in three times and circles the room, the last time standing right in front of me and eyeballing me some. Lucy goes out after her, and I recline ever further into my chair...That's when the policeman comes swaggering up to me. Before he can harass me, I get up and go for the exit, where Lucy is straightening the lady out. I felt like I was being arrested for child pornography or something. It felt dirty. They asked me if those kids were mine.
What the fuck?!?!?
So I watch the movie and I gotta be honest. It wasn't that great. It was like they spent all their time worrying about the effects, and where they were going to shorten it so they could reput it on the Unrated DVD version, not on any cleverly written script. Just cheesedly redone dialogue and a few headscratchers. Not very thought provoking, or even abled to be chuckled at. Still, with the effects, however short it always seemed to be, I give it a solid B-. Nothing special, but better than nothing. This is one of those times I understand why they didn't hand out any pre release copies. So it can make some money before word of mouth gets out. It's on par with the Hulk, just a little shorter on wind...

Hell, I almost wonder if I wouldn't have made a better Johnny Blaze. It was just hard to give Cage much of a chance with the lines he spewed forth ever so frequently.Enough of this banter, I must check on my meatloaf baking in the oven. Everything else is just chillin': Mashed potatos, green beans with bacon, mac and cheese, some kind of skillet potatos, Graveh; what else could you possibly want...?A friend gave me the first season of Dead Like Me, and it looks good. I'm gonna go watch it...

Ghost Rider and the Rad, Bad, Nursing Home Nads!!!

So I'm getting ready to go see Ghost Rider after nearly a year of waiting. How cruel of the gods to show me that teaser trailer way back then!!! That day has finally come, and I'm giddy with anticipation. I hope that place isn't superpacked, because I want to be able to keep my buzz long enough to space out on it all. That's right, baby. Enhancements!!!
Speaking of enhancements...

It's hard to believe he was going to be the next Superman. But this one, Ghost Rider, already seems to suit him a little snugger than the Man of Steel's gay looking threads. I am really expecting this to knock me out and off of my feet. I'm going now, at 4:45 pm, to get our tickets. I don't want to get there and have it already sold out, because that would suck balls.

"Huge ones..."

Nursing home nads!!!

The redder the better I always say. Wait! What do I say, anyway?

"What do old men's balls taste like?"

DEPENDS...

I will return with news of the awesomeness of this epic blockbuster. Stay tuned...

Todays Menu: Cannibals, Autism, and White Trash Goodbyes...

Hannibal, it seems, is back once again...
Rising...
Yet this is a not so humble glance into his beginnings. What a storied life that fictional man lived. I guess at some point I need to read all those books so I can get the full effect of it all.
"And there was a younger, sleeker version of he in this one, kiddies!!!"

Well, he definitely had the cheesed, ever Hannibal-like questions down. That was one thing bothering me throughout this film. Another would be that hugantic, ginormous divot/dimple he had in his cheek, what the hell was that all about? Also would be the maniacal gleam he had in eyes constantly, unlike my main man, Sir Philip Anthony Hopkins. His look was always that of a calm, rationale psychopath. This kid was just creepy looking...

In the tale of the tape then, Hopkins lays waste to this kid. You want this kid to be just as good, but it just doesn't work in the end. The story, while watchable, is the poorest out of the whole bunch thus far. It is extremely slow and not nearly as head scratchingingly perplexing as the others.
"We give it a B-!!!"
If not for the gore, watered down some for the unrated DVD version, this would be C grade territory here. I looked up the guy playing young Hanny on the net, and found he was in that French werewolf movie, Brotherhood of the Wolf, which was actually pretty good, but can't remember who he even was. I just think he was a bad choice. I saw alot of other good ones in the opposingly villanous roles, but it's hard to make up for blowing the casting in the lead. Hannibal is too well loved by many to fuck it up like that. That would be like planning Star Wars Episodes 7-9 and casting Andy Dick as a elder Luke Skywalker, and Andy Griffith as the rogueish Han Solo. It just ain't happening, folks. I was disappointed, to say the least. But not completely bored with it all. I gave it a chance, what can I say?
I feel like there is more I should say, but can't. It's undefendable to me. The high point of the whole film was when there was a quiet part in the film and my daughter blurts out, in the perfect spot...
"Uncle Donnie?!?!?!?!?
I cracked up on that one. She is a chip off the old block, I couldn't help but be amazed, and proud, of her well timed quote. And for a ten year old, she's better than me at inserting the more bizarre movie quotes in at just the perfect place. When we came home from watching Grandma's Boy, she already had all of Dante's lines memorized. She is like Rain Man or something...
Yet I refuse to play Tom Cruise. Although, I could pretend for Katie Holmes, if she so chose. At least I'm taller.
"What's left, then?"
Anna Nicole Smith. Dead. That's about all that means to me. The Anti-Katie Couric, in mein eyes. Good riddance.
Until her autopsy report comes back...
And we find out who her baby's daddy is...

Doink, Doink, Turkey's Done!!!

Ok, I've fumed long enough. What the fuck happened to the Bears after that initial kickoff return? Actually, they got ever more horrendous as the rain increased. They acted like they had never played in the rain before. Indianapolis wasn't much better, hell, even the kicker doinked one. I guess the forces of nature really wanted a cheeseball fuck like Peyton to get his "due" or whatever the deal was for him to win the big one. I also did not watch the Prince halftime shindig. Just wasn't interested in watch a guy barely over five feet tall wielding his guitar like it was an extension of his manhood. But I did stay and watch the whole dabacle unfold. So...
On to next season then, after a quick romp this weekend to Hawaii for the Pro Bowl. I normally halfass watching it whilst doing other things. I'm just hoping Herm gets a little more going next year and that Priest and Larry can both go downtown on a regular basis. If they can both hang on the same team. I'm hoping. Larry is a workhorse and Priest is a razzle dazzle sort of guy. A lethal combination.
So let's have at it then, Juan Puto, give me your best shot, if you haven't actually forgotten where this lil slice of web heaven is. I'm waiting...
(Bitch...)
I know this is probably a lame post, but I can't be the shit everytime, now can I? And I like to share the lameness of my life and the lamer things that make my day go round; physically and mentally. Not just ramble on conspiracy theories and Sassafrassquatch sightings like there is no tomorrow. I liken it to those childhood trips to Sunday School at the Assemblies of God in Eldon, Missouri. Get up at the crack of dawn to get on the Joy Bus, ride to some overly adorned building, inside and out, endure their bullshit for a few hours, then hop back on the Joy Bus to be deposited at my driveway with...
"The prize!!!"
Yes, gang, nothing gets kids closer to Jesus than by promising them bags of candy when you drop them off at their house, after the attempted brainwashing. Sometimes, they gave you ice cream sandwiches, praise glory hallelujah!!! So if you can sift through the symphony of Worldly Clamour that is my thoughts and feelings, and get a chuckle or feel my anguish, then fuck it. It's all good. Enjoy the silliness, too. I'm going to go see Hannibal Rising Friday night, so I will have more time to myself and possibly might just be in the mood for something. I don't know exactly what yet, but I'm feeling it right now coming on...
Could be the bowl of Honey Bunches of Oats though...
I love trailing off in my sentences...

Oates and Bonsall: Stache Battle Royale!!!

We start with Exhibit A: Joe Bonsall, eerily high pitched frontman for the legendary Oak Ridge Boys, born the spring of 1948 in Philadelphia. Note the testosterone ozzing out of that lipwarming "stache" as no other man in the known world could possibly best in battle...
But little did he know there was another!!!

Exhibit B: John Oates, worthless precursor to WHAM!'s Andrew Ridgley, also born in the spring of 1948 not in Philly, but in New York City. However he would return to Philadelphia to exact his revenge.
"Oh yes-s-s-s-s-s-s..."
There can be only one ("stache")!!!

When it was realized by John that Oates and Bonsall were in fact twins, separated at birth and Oates quickly relocated to NYC with fake documents stating he was born there, well...
This was more than the guitar miming half of Hall and Oates could take, the kind of thing to get your moustache bristling something mighty fierce!
"I was one half of the most successful duo of all time!!!, he could be heard to cry out for no reason.
Then came that fateful time in 1981. Hall and Oates were ripping up the charts with the Private Eyes album, but without domination in the rock, polka, and country music charts, their success seemed tarnished. At least in the oft privately turmoiled eyes, and thoughts, of Oates, it was. He festered nightly, humming the tune to Elvira, the Bonsall/Oak Ridge Boys' hit, to himself incessantly.
And with that, he set out on his mission: to take Bonsall out of the equation, and rule, once and for all...
Alone.
Whatever the cost.
Which he did, of course. Hall and Oates began their upswing that was to, ironically, be cut down just three short years later after Big Bam Boom. You can't make shady deals in shady places like that without expecting payment to be due, when it is due. The Oak Ridge Boys had already found a way to carry on, in the form of lifesized, permed wig, and body hair covered brown marionette for shows and interviews to cover the loss of Joe. They also used the voice of Carol Channing forever after in the recording studio as it was an uncanny match to Bonsall's. They kept this charade going until obscurity.
This gave Daryl Hall an idea. As John had been rather small, but macho nonetheless (!), he devised a plan. Why not do the "Boys" up one better? Use the actual well preserved corpse of his Rock&Soul-mate instead of a dummy, and have a hole in the back of John, near the rectum, to put his much longer arm through to mimic Oates's brlliant banter and head/hair shake in interviews and preshow record signings at Hastings and State Fairs all over the states. As Hall's voice was the reason they had fame in the first place, the world didn't seem to care. In the end...
"If you live by the "stache", then you will die by the "stache".
It is just that simple, folks.

Coup de Pawt: Late to Work in Hell

Another meaningless "How do you do?" tonight, but I'm trying to post more and also get some rawness going here. Here's to it not turning out to be another Chinese Fire Drill.
"Get ready for it..."
He's choking already!!!
So I was late for work this morning. Here's how I believe it went down. Afer that I will tell you what I told my boss and then you can compare. Ready? Here we go...
I set my alarm for 4:30 am as usual, then reset it for 5:30 when it goes off. This time I went for 8 more minutes.
"And here's where you done did wrong, son."
The only thing I did at 5:30 this morning was set the regular time up 8 minutes and left it uselessly set at 5:30 am for the next day...
D'OH!!!
So I wake up around 6:15 but think it's 6:23. I call my boss and give him the big "My bad!" and tell him I'm on my way. I get there and he starts hassling me with tirades on why I still don't have a back up alarm clock. I know, sounds completely anal. So I tell him I ain't into them, and he tells me to go to work and contemplate what happened and we'd talk about it later. Fuck him, is all I have to say. We go into the office later and jawjack it around. He says I was late once last year...
"Egads, Graveh, this cain't be trooo!"
(Nice accent, by the way.)
And also, once I was late/or gone in 2005, not calling in sick on time by only 3 minutes because I was up all night caring for my sick kid, and had it and pinkeye, as well. I told him those were so long ago they were no big deal. He freaked out on me after that and I tried to contain my laughter.
Heartless bastard.
Later he told me to fill out a form for those 45 minutes I was late. I asked him why he didn't fill it out for me as I was obviously tired, since I'd overslept. He was not ammused by this, and said you had to fill them out whether you were too tired regardless. Then I killed him...
"No, keeds, I'ze only pullin yer leg heeyah."
I said something I'm not going to repeat tonight...
Not tonight.
But another person was late too, because she witnessed an accident on her deserted stretch of country road (and hour and a half's worth) and stayed long enough to call the fuzz so they could help, but then left immediately after they said they were on their way. He tried to chew her out, too. She had only been 15 minutes late...
Is a coup in order here? Has the revolution begun again?
This brings me to my next question:
"What are you doing up this late?"
Ok, ok, goodnight then. Maybe a few more puffs...
Gnarly!!!

Bustin' the Bomb Devil Dance, By Diggity!!!

I just bought the new Depeche Mode Touring the Angel Live in Milan 2 DVD plus live cd of some of the newer songs. I would have preferred the older, more tried and true hits of course, but it wasn't up to me. Still sounds good though, and the concert is once again the bomb diggity.
"Gets the lil devil in me dancin'!"
I almost bought a DVD/cd combo of DM that had some of the early videos on it, but not a few big ones I wanted as well. I just know a complete early years DVD will come out and I will be pissed. Yeah I know, I will have enjoyed that until then, but that's not the point, is it?
To quote Little Richard on this one:
That's what you want baby! You want it all or none!
Wow, I thought I had more in me left to write. I feel drained now. I just went and made a sandwich to combat fatigue, loaded with raw spinach. That's right, I said raw spinach. But it is lean turkey breast, but processed cheese instead of the real cheddar I usually prefer to enjoy. I was out. The end.
Wow, after this cigarette, I think I will curl up on a section of the couch and watch a movie. I'm just not worth a damn right now.
"I'm also bored shitless!"
I may have to break out that Depeche on the bigscreen with some Surround thrown in there for good measure.
Dance, lil devil, dance!!!
Bust a move...
(Or two.)

A Battle Between the Heavens!!!

"A duel, if you will..."
And suddenly, it was! And woe be unto them that witnessed this that had befallen on this eve of destruction...
The hero.

The villain!

Then did they clash, as a mighty trumpet sounded, signalling that this was a no holds barred, fight for the fate of all worth saving, what little was left.
"Who struck the telling blow...?"
Only heaven, and hell, knows...

The Hitch Sitch: Who To Ditch?

Whe I had heard they were remaking The Hitcher, I was pretty skeptical. I mean how, just how, can you replace Rutger Hauer. I saw they used Jake Busey in the sequel to the original, to disastrous results. This did not bode well at all for a cult horror classic from the 80's. Would they stay true to the original, or take it on a new course? Could Sean Bean hold up as a suave but maniacal... uhhh... madman?

In the end, although entertaining and often jumpy, I have to say the old couldn't be topped. The guy started out with a girlfriend from the beginning, and he's the one that gets pulled apart by the semis in the end. I just think the french fried finger in the groundbreaking original can't be left out, or outdone. I give it a B...
"Minus!!!"
This is only to scold an industry that of late seems to be rehashing ideas that didn't need rehashing in the first place. Willy Wonka? Dukes of Hazzard? The Hills Have Eyes? Wait, the original of that wasn't even good. See where I'm going with this...?
Pointless.
So in the end, Rutger KO's the competition. This is almost as retarded as doing a Blade Runner remake. Sure you can dip it in glitter and deep fry it, but it's still a ball of shit at the center. Why? Because it never needed to be redone. Let my grandkids pine for that movie, I'm fine as tis.
Also, my dad broke his wrist in three places last Sundayish or something, falling on the ice which has covered much of Missouri at this time. They have also been without power for a week, with a storm looming ahead tomorrow sometime in the evening. Not much luck going on for old Dad, but he will pull through as he tough like The Duke. Wish he'd give me those painkillers. But he won't. Still pullin' for you though, pops!
Amazingly, although it was cold here a few days, we were spared any of the wintery grief that waylaid Springfield just two short hours to the north. I heard today that this incoming one might miss us too, which is fine since it will be in the high thirties/low forties next week anyway. Work won't be hindered so, once again, what's the point?
Otherwise bring it!

Payton's Bitch...

Yeah yeah yeah, senorita Juanita, I hear you talking now, but what happens when Indy blows their game with New England? Then they will be just another team that made it only so far. Chiefs were near to being undefeated a few scant years ago and were called the NEW GREATEST SHOW ON EARTH, also lit up a few Sports Illustrated covers and a little late night tv, had a few NFL records in rushing and such, punt/kick returns, scoring. So your argument is weak, they (your shitty team) ain't winning any Superbowls either, in fact...
NONE as the Indianapolis Colts, with Payton to boot. So fuck off Juan Valdon't even, they won one game and made it far enough to get destroyed by the Patriots this weekend...
"The sun shines even on a dog's ass somedays."
Congratulations numnutz...
Sadly the Chief's last Superbowl appearance, and win, was in #4 in 1970, followed by...
You guessed it, the Baltimore Colts in #5 in 1971. Now guess what, school's over now, run along, spouting about that which you do not know, somewhere's else. But I always welcome all challengers...
I just thought there would be a little better competition!
Oh wellz. I wonder what kind of pussy trash talk, hopefully once again in broken "Engrish", we will be grorified with if Indy actually pulls off a miracle. Fuck Indy, and fuck Payton, Juan. He is so overrated, you are only as good as the teammates that surround you, until they aren't there anymore for whatever reason: retirement, injury, and free agency. And he will go the way of Brett Favre, into humiliating defeat after defeat until he is beaten into the submission that is retirement.
You are probably not even from Indy, are you? I'm from Missouri, so I will worship whichever team I want to, as it my duty and pleasure to a rich and storied franchise, you fucktard. Lamar Hunt even coined the phrase Superbowl.
Juan H., please make love to yourself.
Often.
Have other large men help with this when you can.
Did I say fuck Indy...?
Oh yeah, I did.
I'm rooting for the Bears or Saints regardless now, so it don't make me no nevermind.
Bring it.
Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!

And So the Siege Begins!!!

So a three man running back by committee approach it is then, eh? If you can get Priest and Larry to agree to share ball time. In reality it would be fantastic, as they are completely differently styled runners, and those guys pounding on you would wear you out and set you up for a nice long pass. Hell, why not just get Marcus Allen to come out of retirement, I bet he's got a few leaps left in him.
"Over the pile, buddeh!!!"
This is the part of the year I hate the most, watching jerkoffs like San Diego misrepresenting and ending up a New England/Indy showdown. I will be rooting for winner of Bears/Saints game.
So now I must sit and wait for scant Chiefs news, and pine. I live for football, there is no substitute when it is gone. Sure news picks up around July but September is a long way off. What can I dive into now?
Nothing!!!
The season seemed to go by so fast this time. I wish I could go into a coma until the next started. Post season football blues...
Yay for me.
I get to dig in now...

The Superbowl Sniffle...

So there it is, checked in red all the games I expect the Chiefs to win next year. 13-3, that's my prediction. I read the interview with Herm Edwards, and he looks to shake things down out there. I just hope and pray he knows what he's doing with my beloved team. Supposedly Priest Holmes will be back and maybe a third younger running back as well. He claims he needs three to carry the load. Running back by committee. It's been tried before with no success, hope he's got a mean plan. When it's done right, it opens up the field for long passes and then it is all over but the celebrations. That is what I'm hoping for as I'd like to have a championship while I'm still alive. I'd even love to be at the game somehow. But they gotta get there first.
It is cold and shitty here now, but not as bad as a little farther north, like in Springfield where my parents live. Many are without power, including them, and ice is abundant. Hope it gets here by Monday morning. I'd like to sleep in.
So anyway, only around eight months until football starts again for me. I will watch and root for what's left this year, mainly New Orleans and the Bears. Fuck Indy and New England, Chargers too. Either redemption in Louisiana or one for Walter Payton's ghost. Take your pick. I don't really care now. My life has ended, there is no gawd...
I need a ring!!!
"My... my preciousssss!

Primeval Kroks and Shit, Yo!!!

I'm gonna spoil it right here for you: It's not about a serial killer, like they insinuate in the teaser trailer. It's about a really big crocodile, I have no idea how much is true, and some local guerilla shit going down in some African shithole, I read Hutus in there, so whatever floats your boat.
Anyway...
It was ok but it pisspoured all the way to and from the theater, and apparently we need new wiper blades, badly in fact. So it was interesting enough to warrant a B - perhaps? Not bad, the action was pretty spot on brutal but any movie about a crocodile with Orlando Jones "blackin' it up" on the side in spite of his predicament, just doesn't deserve the kind of love an A would give.
And that wouldn't be fair. It was watchable at least, I'll give it that.
The last Gator/Croc movie I saw had Betty White in it, and that's kinda hard to top.
Werd, yo.
All up in dat.

FryDaddyTrannyLegs...

I've recently rediscovered my love for ABC. They are fucking awesome, especially around the How To Be A Zillionaire era. Too bad they died out, but I read they had eleven top ten songs throughout the 80s. So there. I've been watching the trippy video for Be Near Me. Martin Fry, your voice is like butter. Dig the suit too...

Which brings me to the other band I've been enjoying lately. A gender bender if you ever heard of one, Pete Burns, you scare the shit out of me, but damn that's fine music. Just don't ever show me your balls ever again, please. I like the look in the Brand New Lover video, all stretched out screenwise, and the general scenery of it all. Whips. Always a must. And boy he can dance.
Yes, I'm talking about Dead or Alive, for those not in the know here by now. Infectuously hard beats, is all I'm sayin...
I bought The Illusionist on DVD today, and am now off to watch it. The kids are already in bed too, so I can enjoy in peace. I love this movie, watch it, and you will too.
I'd bet your balls on it.

Oh Gawd, You Devil!!!

So, now that I've posted a pic of me, that pic is already too old of me. I'm not this dashingly handsome now, sorry. My bad.
Not much going on other than nursing my football wounds. Damn you Indy, damn you all to hell. But I did go see Children of Men Friday night. I give it an A. Very good, and Clive Owen is kick ass. Weird idea for a movie too: The only kid born in 18 years and she is black.
So, I'm just kicking it here at home, it's a little cool outside. My tummy hurts a little too. I went to the mall and bought my daughter's guinea pig some chewy sticks. I like to play with her and make her squeak. She is my new friend. Until she pees on me...
What else? Uhhhh......
Two forums I hang on are MIA or soon to be. Craptv hass gone haywire and kookoo, even batnutz. Then I find the Duran one is being killed due to assholishness. Surprised it ever lasted so long. People suck, I just wanted crisp copies of my shows that I'd went to, and maybe some other memorable ones. I got them, and even made a few good friends along the way. Oh well. Better luck next time. But Crap down is killing me. That is my home, my daily hangout. Now I'm building my favorites list on Youtube. So anyway, that is my life. Thanks for stopping by.
Check me out and/or friend me on Youtube. I am rongravy there. And I rule.
I even have video of me there.

Someone Help Billeh!!!

Ahhhh, the plot sickens. The place I worked at last Friday is rearing it's ugly head back up again by way of dagger in the back, my amigos. I found out only today that the guy I worked for complained about my work there. What a fucktard, I only came there to fill in for a shorthanded staff. Look at the thanks I get. Personally I think he'd already taken a special shine to me. I caught him staring at me through his window thing all day. At least I know he's not gay, just a fucking prick.
"What a load off my mind!"
Now all I have to do is refute his bullshit and redeem myself in the eyes of my boss. Actually, I hope mine is smart enough to not fall for it, but I will find out tomorrow. In reality it is no problem or sweat off of my balls. I can handle anything thrown at me in that arena and usually end up handing them their nuts in a doggy bag to boot. It's just a shitty thing to have done to me, and it's always depressing when you have to deal with unnecessary bullshit like this when you are already dealing with a full load already. I mean come on, I was helping you, what is your fucking deal? When jerkoffs like you drop the ball and acts of kindness stop being done by nice people like me, then we are all headed for a world of backstabbing pricks like you.
"So come on, cut that shit out and be a man, you got a problem, say it to my face, don't shake my hand and thank me for coming, if you don't mean it. But I can't see how you couldn't but help but mean that, not try to bite the hand that did all your work for you. You weasely fuck."
Sorry, that last sentence snuck in there. I'll leave that out of my speech tomorrow...

Happy Hellidays!!!

First I'm gonna start off with a review of the movie I saw last night: Black Christmas. Although another slasher film, it wasn't all that bad. A tad confusing at times with the whole inbreeding thing and who is related to who, killerwise, and few too many flashbacks, but the overall gory festiveness (is that even a word?) made it enjoyable.
"The Vicodin helped too..."
Hey, don't jump ahead in the story here!
So I'm giving it a B-. Like I said, the flick had its good and bad points. I figured since it took place in a sorority house, that there would be beaucoup tits and ass, but it really wasn't all that bad. Nowhere near as naughty as Hostel, I had to send my kids out on that one. Just a few hottie nipples here and there, and an ass crack or two. I can live with that...
"Which brings us to the holidays..."
Christmas was ok, except I was starting to feel a little icky. I was supposed to be off the Friday after, but someone pulled some bullshit at another plant and I ended up having to work an hour and a half away. So I spent eight hours on the road that day.
Hey buddeh, the math don't add up here!
Well, I had to drive to Springfield, Missouri to pick up my daughter, round trip, which adds another five hours to the total. Thus the eight hours, my friends, and the whole story behind that is stressful and depressing as well, but hopefully taken care of. We will have to see on that one.
So we move on to New Year's Eve...
By this time I'm deathly ill, and have no idea what the hell is wrong with me. My chest and lungs hurt, my joints ache, my throat hurts and swells up, diarrhea, vomiting, dizziness, head and serious sinus pressure, ear infection...
"And a general feeling of death warmed over!"
So after I watch the Chiefs win their game and miraculously make it into the playoffs (a story for another day and post), I am taken to the hospital Emergency Room. Everybody must have been pissed they had to work that night because they took it out on poor old Graveh. The admissions lady kept telling me to put this stupid facemask on, but everytime I did, I would be violently wracked with coughs that made me vomit or spit up, yet she kept on and on.
Evil heartless bitch!
So I sit waiting while my wife takes care of insurance stuff at yet another window, as I sit puking/coughing my lungs up. My wife told me later that this lady told her I was making myself sick on purpose, for some ungodly reason. Looking back, I guess they thought I was faking it to get some drugs or something, as by this time I hadn't shaved or showered in awhile and was looking pretty unkempt. So I finally get in, and they are still being pretty shitty with me. The guy comes in and viciously swabs my throat with a large Q-tip. Then he pulls out another one, this time even longer and with a flexible shaft. I knew what was coming...
"You're not gonna put that down my nostril, are you?!?!?!"
Why yes, how did you know?
So the first two times he tries to jam that thing down in there I rip it out. He's not happy at all, and pulls out a third. I tell him to get it done quick, because I'm ready to grab his nads and rip those bastards off! He even had a grimace on his face as he's doing all this to me. About this time, all the New Year's drunks and accident victims start showing up. I'm now laying around suffering, unable to breathe, waiting for them to come back and give me some fucking relief. Chest x rays commence, eventually I'm given some sort of bogus breathing treatment that doesn't seem to help, then a chick comes in and takes most of my blood. I admit, she was the only nice one in there to me, bless her heart. They come back and tell me that not only do I have a nice little case of bronchitis, but that I'm also sporting some serious strep throat action as well. Does this soften them up any at all?
"Of course not!"
The guy gives me a prescription for an inhaler, some antibiotics, and a measely twenty Vicodins for my troubles. He also refuses to give me anything more than 2 days off of work...
What a dick!
Whatever happened to bedside manners, or whatever the hell it's called? Compassion, maybe even? I mean, Jeez dood, they found out I wasn't faking it. So I leave the ER and glare at the cunt (pardon my French) at admissions on my way out. Only one pharmacy is open on this night: Walgreens. They were shitty with me too, but I won't get into it here. So after dosing up, we go to my sister-in-law's house to hang for New Years but I just can't take any more. My wife is also showing the beginnings of sickness also, so we go home and hit the sack.
Great way to spend your holidays, deathly ill surrounded by a world of uncaring jerkoffs. So it is now Tuesday, and I'm feeling somewhat better today. I woke up and coughed up a bunch of black stuff out of my lungs. So the drugs seem to be working, especially the Vicodin. My wife is now deathly ill, and although she is fighting it, I think she will need to see a doctor too. She probably just doesn't want to go through the nostril/Q-tip torture like I had to. But she looks like shit now, and sounds like it too. I'm also going to try to get another day off of work, but I don't expect any sympathy there either, but it's worth a shot.
So that is how I've spent my time as of late. I hope you guys (whoever you may be!) had a better holiday than I did.
"Time for bed again, methinks..."
Meds kicking in now, and I'm all woozy again.
Please don't make me have to work tomorrow, please don't make me have to work tomorrow, please don't make me have to work tomorrow...
Have mercy on poor old GRAVEH!
Would ya...?