Oates and Bonsall: Stache Battle Royale!!!

We start with Exhibit A: Joe Bonsall, eerily high pitched frontman for the legendary Oak Ridge Boys, born the spring of 1948 in Philadelphia. Note the testosterone ozzing out of that lipwarming "stache" as no other man in the known world could possibly best in battle...
But little did he know there was another!!!

Exhibit B: John Oates, worthless precursor to WHAM!'s Andrew Ridgley, also born in the spring of 1948 not in Philly, but in New York City. However he would return to Philadelphia to exact his revenge.
"Oh yes-s-s-s-s-s-s..."
There can be only one ("stache")!!!

When it was realized by John that Oates and Bonsall were in fact twins, separated at birth and Oates quickly relocated to NYC with fake documents stating he was born there, well...
This was more than the guitar miming half of Hall and Oates could take, the kind of thing to get your moustache bristling something mighty fierce!
"I was one half of the most successful duo of all time!!!, he could be heard to cry out for no reason.
Then came that fateful time in 1981. Hall and Oates were ripping up the charts with the Private Eyes album, but without domination in the rock, polka, and country music charts, their success seemed tarnished. At least in the oft privately turmoiled eyes, and thoughts, of Oates, it was. He festered nightly, humming the tune to Elvira, the Bonsall/Oak Ridge Boys' hit, to himself incessantly.
And with that, he set out on his mission: to take Bonsall out of the equation, and rule, once and for all...
Alone.
Whatever the cost.
Which he did, of course. Hall and Oates began their upswing that was to, ironically, be cut down just three short years later after Big Bam Boom. You can't make shady deals in shady places like that without expecting payment to be due, when it is due. The Oak Ridge Boys had already found a way to carry on, in the form of lifesized, permed wig, and body hair covered brown marionette for shows and interviews to cover the loss of Joe. They also used the voice of Carol Channing forever after in the recording studio as it was an uncanny match to Bonsall's. They kept this charade going until obscurity.
This gave Daryl Hall an idea. As John had been rather small, but macho nonetheless (!), he devised a plan. Why not do the "Boys" up one better? Use the actual well preserved corpse of his Rock&Soul-mate instead of a dummy, and have a hole in the back of John, near the rectum, to put his much longer arm through to mimic Oates's brlliant banter and head/hair shake in interviews and preshow record signings at Hastings and State Fairs all over the states. As Hall's voice was the reason they had fame in the first place, the world didn't seem to care. In the end...
"If you live by the "stache", then you will die by the "stache".
It is just that simple, folks.