Sorrier Than You...

So I'm sitting there this morning...
No, Ronnie was not having a good time since he had to talk to people he nothing in common with.
I just wanted to go home.
Look, I know I'm not the sharpest knife in the... whatever.
I want to share how I feel, I want to just fucking share.
Yet, deep down, I cannot.
This is the darkest time of my life, can't you see?
I'm torn between thinking you are done... and that you are just testing me. I'm pretty sure I/you are delusional in the end. I keep wanting to see the good in things, you want to either forget or pretend like they never happened. You can't. You just fucking can't. How? How?
I have unfortunately lived in a dream the past four fucking years. A fantastic dream, hell yesh.
Yet you still get to wake up from it. Brain Candy anyone?
I'd love to NOT wake up from my happiest moment in life.
Why?
Because I hate life right now. I'm not sure it's ever gonna change. I said it before, and I swear I meant it. Where did I go wrong? Yes, I'm difficult to get along with. When do I get to see where I ever, never, ever, never, did right?
Can I not do a 180? Can I not come back inside your heart?
At one time I thought I never did anyone wrong by just doing myself wrong. Boy, was I wrong.
Look, I grew up thinking I was never going to amount to nothing. Then I discovered music, and angst, and then I was off and running.
I think I am fixable...
I'm torn between my own prideful thoughts and the OTHER SIDE.
I find when you open up your heart it gets trampled on. Then you harden, you close up. I hate that. I really hate it...
I swear, none of this was my fault. OK, maybe 98% of it, but you know what?
I'm sorrier than you.