Jizz a Lil...

Waiting for Vampire Wars to continue, I thought I'd post up. We saw Hot Tub Time Machine tonight. A+ all the way. The idiot movie critic gave it a 79% and said it was kind of Hangover-ish without as much yucks.
I loved it, and some of the surprises at the end are high-larious.
Cusack on shrooms, Craig Robinson representin' on stage, and Rob Cordry spreading drunken baby batter with wild abandon. What more could you ask for?
Also, bleached my hair blond, not sure if I mentioned it yet. I will try to snap a few pics later. Kind of waiting for it to go a little more whiter first...
Favorite song right now is, from what I gathered, an old original recording(with lyrics) of Tel Aviv by Duran Duran. I need to find the lyrics for it. The song is nothing like the instrumental version that eventually made its way on the album. I wish they still played and sang like that. It seemed alot deeper, and grander in scale. Don't get me wrong, all their stuff is bizarre and awesome. But I like the sound they had at the beginning. I'd love to hear them do Tel Aviv with Andy. I think I might actually jizz a little.

Sorrier Than You...

So I'm sitting there this morning...
No, Ronnie was not having a good time since he had to talk to people he nothing in common with.
I just wanted to go home.
Look, I know I'm not the sharpest knife in the... whatever.
I want to share how I feel, I want to just fucking share.
Yet, deep down, I cannot.
This is the darkest time of my life, can't you see?
I'm torn between thinking you are done... and that you are just testing me. I'm pretty sure I/you are delusional in the end. I keep wanting to see the good in things, you want to either forget or pretend like they never happened. You can't. You just fucking can't. How? How?
I have unfortunately lived in a dream the past four fucking years. A fantastic dream, hell yesh.
Yet you still get to wake up from it. Brain Candy anyone?
I'd love to NOT wake up from my happiest moment in life.
Why?
Because I hate life right now. I'm not sure it's ever gonna change. I said it before, and I swear I meant it. Where did I go wrong? Yes, I'm difficult to get along with. When do I get to see where I ever, never, ever, never, did right?
Can I not do a 180? Can I not come back inside your heart?
At one time I thought I never did anyone wrong by just doing myself wrong. Boy, was I wrong.
Look, I grew up thinking I was never going to amount to nothing. Then I discovered music, and angst, and then I was off and running.
I think I am fixable...
I'm torn between my own prideful thoughts and the OTHER SIDE.
I find when you open up your heart it gets trampled on. Then you harden, you close up. I hate that. I really hate it...
I swear, none of this was my fault. OK, maybe 98% of it, but you know what?
I'm sorrier than you.

Vampire Wars...

So I have another Facebook account that is a little more mein own. I play alot of Vampire Wars there, and am finally getting somewhere. Pointless as it is...

I think it's finally getting better in other areas too. Festering until realisation turns to bitter resolve is the most often travelled path, yet painfully slowwwwwwwwwww.

I remember vowing to never go where I ended up going anyway. I also remember the wind blowing the hair out of my eyes just... so... they could be dazzled by the sun.

And then dazzled by other things...

Probably more dazzled by own own prideful chest beatings and cock thrashings, I'd say. It feels like the time I lost $600 at the casino, times Infinity. I must admit I nearly gambled everything away. Now, with the exception of my child, I feel utterly alone. I now wholeheartedly accept that I did alot of things wrong in the past few years, and would like to atone for it. I will also work on my mind and body, sharpening both again. With age and experience, wisdom they say, I will attempt to beat back the ravages of this ravaging ravageness!!!

Remember, people, just because you are sitting pretty high atop the peak of a magestic mountain doesn't mean an eagle or something can't still take a giant shit on your head. If your eyes are focused upon your own reflection all the time, it's hard to keep your eyes peeled for whatever may fall on your head and bring you crashing back down to Realityville.

Your, your, your!!!

See the pattern here? My choices are to get out of myself and give it all away to everyone else, or to succumb to the ME-ness and just do mein own thang. Regardless of the rest of you foolish mortals...

I wish I had some kind of USB port thingie in my ear so I could just pour it out. Then you can all just sift...

Or should I have one in my heart?

Maybe I should install one right where that gaping hole is. Maybe the flesh will just grow around it. Sure, it'll be scarred and grotesque. Who fucking cares, right?

Not this creature of the night.

I want to laugh like before, I want to feel like there are things out there to see and do again. And reasons...

Reasons for being. Reasons for caring. Just reasons.

I do not like to lose. I do not like feeling like it is better to not have anything to lose.

Burns heal easily on the outside, and over time the scars will fade to become unnoticed by the naked eye. But inside...

Recoil can be deadly. Figuratively and literally.

Meditate on that.

Mr. Self Destruct...

I uploaded this to piece of shit Youtube and they eventually blocked it in pretty much every country with net access. Too bad, it's a pretty good mashup of the three parts of a Nine Inch Nails song. I'd had Further Down the Spiral for years now, but had never really given it much of a chance. Now I likes it alot.

The world is a ghetto. I don't know which would be/is worse: believing horrible things are true or rash paranoia? I'll leave it at that. We saw Cop Out last night. Ehhhhhhhhh...

C+. It was ok, but I ended up liking Brucie better than Tracy Morgan. I guess he's funnier in cameos and bit parts, he can't carry a whole movie with his retarded banter. Also, deduct points for being directed by Kevin Smith.

I feel like I'm really beginning to hate you all again. You never let me down, or cease to fucking amaze me. I wish I could share alot of things, yet I cannot. My blog seems to have become a littering ground for mumblings and wayward meanderings that trail off...

I'm also a week behind on The Biggest Loser. I guess tonight I will watch last week's episode on Hulu and play with my ferret. I've nothing better to do with my time. I did, but no longer. Right now I'm content to just rot. Everything dies. I already have...

A feast of friends...

"Alive!" she cried.

Waiting for me...

Outsiddddddddddddddddddde.

The Ghosts Are Creepin' In...

Anybody else in them? It's a sad thing when you have to wish bad things for yourself to get out of the everyday bullshit you have to deal with...

Broken arms, the wheel to go out on your minivan so as to cause it to turn and flip repeatedly until you are thrown out of the window and smashed by said minivan...

Maybe just better to give up, turn catatonic and let people take care of you.

Awhile back, someone said I was an attention whore. They said I threw ending my life out there like it was a life raft or something...

Truth is, it hit me like a sack of potatoes. I had really many times come close, yet somehow woke up. Who knows, maybe the comments hit me right in the... pride?

I'm constantly left with thoughts on my behavior, on my... interactions with everyone else in this crazy, mixed up world.

I think when you are down, you are all alone. Thought someone loved you?

Wrong.

Thought someone was actually interested in your little take on what up?

Wrong.

Selfless acts are, more often that not, a final nail in the coffin. The day I shirk these chains and get myself completely together, someone will come along and throw another shitload on.

Hot Tub Time Machine, my ass. I can go no further than the day my daughter was born.

What I endure on a daily basis, is it fantasy?

You see things like Corey Haim passing and you go, "Hmmmmmm, that's fucked up."

Why was no one giving a shit while he was alive? Where were all of you?

Beautiful things die or are trampled underfoot. Someone do an autopsy to see what size sneaker prints were on his throat.

Lucas.

Silver Bullet.

Dream a little dream for us, won't you please?

I remember when that movie came out. Where I went to high school, fashion was Levi's and Ocean Pacific. Except for the Michael Jackson nods, that was a damn fine movie.

Ramble, ramble...

I have an IPPS review coming up at work, and I'm sure to fail. I'm beginning to not care, though.

We are set up to fail, unless we have something they want. Like pouty lips or breastices...

I wish I could set up a direct link to my brain, so whoever can pick through it and take what they wanted. I tire of this now...

I was going to join the masquerade but the Metro was late. I walked the whole way and it took my breath away...

Ha, I saw I have a follower. Waiting to see if I make the news? I'm more into the post humous accolades myself. Checked his site, loved the Michael Jackson pic with the black kid with the cum moustache. If that were really McDonald's, you'd probably have to pay extra for that...

Me tired. Yesterday I had sushi, mainly eel. I also did the Mongolian style barbecue, I think it was undercooked because I had severe abdominal pain until I passed out this morning. Add the fact that I threw some Wheaties Fuel and chipotle drenched beef ribs on top of it, and we are talking sphincter sphuckeduppedness to the Nth degree.

Sooooooo much shit I should be doing right now but I'm the most unmotivated piece of schnizz on the planet. Supposed to be learnin' myself on the finer points of... I dunno, crap about my work. Don't wanna, will probably fail. But then I can get the extra retraining. Either way, fuck whoever. Another way to pick off the undesirables or the lackadaisical...?

So I haven't seen anything since last weekend and The Crazies. How to follow up something that good? Not with Johhny Dippstick, that's for sure. And WTF?!?!?

Is there some kind of wierdo club, where you have to sip Absynthe and tease you hair like Tim Burton or have a big ol' misshapen Bonham Carter bullom head?

Pee Wee's Big Adventure, Beetlejuice, and Edward Scissorhands were perfection, why so many misses with those hits, Tim? Especially looking back at his take on Batman: middle aged, complete with receding hairline and pot belly. I would love to be a director. I'm already ADD, so as long as someone kept me paid, I could churn shit out left and right. Yes, there would at least one zombie flick every year. Yes, I would still obsess over Asia Argento. No, I would not back down on my promise to refuse to work with actors I didn't like simply based on how much I hate their unrealistic beliefs. Yes, I would still do a Depeche Mode film. And the answer to today's secret question is...

Yes, but not if they were still breathing. I guess if it were during their last few gasps, it is possible. HOWEVER: As long as they never look at your face, and you're 100% sure your reflection hasn't given you away anywhere else, then sure dood. Why not? And as far as finding out if you're a non-secreter, I guess you can always get tested out. I'm personally sticking with the shaving of all body hair, coupled with freshly bought used clothing and scavenged hairs from biker bar urinals to sprinkle all over the scene. Hope that helped...

Is the video done uploading yet? I know it's on the Youtube thing at the top, but it sounds better here and it is a damn fine mix. One of the few bands my sister, Sandy, liked that was decent were/was a band called Berlin. the chick was fine and she had a fantastic voice. I always knew she'd be hot when she got older, and boy was I right.

Mexican Standoff...

Life:101.
Grow a beard, tape it up, surround yourself with gold and slaves, then bury yourself with them.
Compassion versus control.
There is never an equal pull upon things. Perfect balance would mean there was no point, no...
Fervor for the flavor?
Dreams versus reality.
They are that which drive us. Were we to pitch our tents and put away arms, we'd be lost...
Is it in our nature?
Man versus machine.
Ending fart sequence. In the end, it seems almost pointless. The fervor that everyone spouts with foam filled mouths...
Beginning smell sequence.
Loved and lost? Tasted things you shouldn't have? You know of nothing, as do I... not... know anything either.
I'm just here along for the ride. Will we burn, will we fade, will we triumph?
I am paradox, I am the Alpha and Omega.
I am nonsense, yet I'm the reason in the rhyme.
You, they, will make of me what you will. And I will do the same.




Sometimes I am the prophet. Sometimes I am the fool.
Some days are better than others...
Whatever you do, don't bring a knife to a gunfight.

Handouts and Heartbreaks...

My thoughts on it all? Hmmmmm.
Were there other highly intelligent beings, or even earlier humans, that roamed this putrid shithole of a planet before us?
I put down the black guitar, enough of that tomfoolery for a moment and ponder what I'd just pondered...
I can see it. Apparently we as a current species have the ability to analyze the fuck out of everything, then endlessly come up with formulas and solutions which will all make it better in the end.
Yet somehow we always forget to put all this knowledge to use. The whole population down to each individual person...
I don't remember what it was like to have faith in people, to look for the good in them, let alone find it. I only see the things that give me disdain and disbelief in our future.
I read a bunch of stuff about all the pharoahs of Egypt. Thousands of years of murder, degradation, abuse, oppression...
And so we see nothing has changed. We learn nothing from the past.
Nothing.
Well... maybe how to better manipulate how we're fucking our neighbor without them going, "Heyyyyy, that fucker shit in my mouth like this last week. I ain't falling for it again."
It's funny how life seems to have its ebbs and flows, its peaks and valleys as such.
In an honestly written blog, through the years, you will see this in all its fluidity. Surely this was visible in mein own personal blog, at least to an outside observer.
It would be great to secretly add extra side content for my own viewing remembrances.
Only I know what was going on in my life, my head, my everything, when I put finger to keyboard.
Right now my personal life as well as my work life are still in a tumble always.
I want things.
Give them to me.
Ha, I'm tired of standing here with my hand out...
Icarus wants to fly again, but is afraid of the sun's dangerous beams.
Coming atcha!!!