The Pop & Lock on the Number 23...

Jimbo done done it again. Fooled by a movie trailer. I wanted to go to sleep during this piece of crap. Unfortunately I'd eaten a whole bag of Reese's Pieces and was all hopped up. I'm disappointed because the whole idea, and set up, were pretty good. It just didn't have the big payoff. I hate you Jim Carrey, and the 23 Enigma can suck my wrinkly, hairless balls! I'm giving this a C-. I did find something strange when I checked my blog post. Look at the counter at the bottom of the picture...

That's right, 23!!! My daughter was born on 5/28 too, which 28 minus 5 is 23. Math lessons now. I guess this movie does inspire some learning. Go figure.

"We learned something today..."

Yes we did, yessiree! We learned that Jim Carrey will never be trusted again. At least there was nothing else out that I missed. But this has been two stinkers in two weeks. I pine for Spiderman 3...

I'm also pining heavily for the 80's. Sometimes it hurts so bad I want to die. Is this how Anne Rice's vampires felt? The sky doesn't look the same, the air doesn't smell as crisp. It is dark and stale. I want the best of both worlds.

Or to be gone from this one!

Technology and break dancing...

CAn you imagine the Tv shows and movies they would have had back then if they had this stuff? V would have been a million times cooler, and the Star Wars trilogy would have been done right the first time!!!

"I wish it were 23 years ago..."

I was in Eldon and Marshal, Missouri. I was shooting kids between the eyes with BB guns, going rollerskating 2-3 (another 23) nights a week, and staying out all night long while my dad was working the graveyard shift. I was a-laughin' and a-lovin'. Music was fine and Reagan held me in his loving arms. Fuck the 60's...

23

I am going to see this in about, oh... 39 minutes from now.
"The Number 23..."
It better be. I don't wanna look at Jim Carrey's stomach muscles, aka his 6 pack.
Wait!
6=2x3!!! Another 23!!! It never ends. Will this movie suck? Gawd, I hope not, but I will be back to share my experience yet again. Hopefully there won't be any police involvement this time either. I'm also kinda skeptical about ol Jimbo as well. I liked Ace Ventura and Dumb and Dumber but turds like Sunshine and the Truman show keep coming to mind of lates. the trailers for this were creepy enough, maybe he will make the jump successfully this time. I read it was considered Horror, but I will be the judge of that.
I also just got back from having some Chinese: wontons, an eggroll, and some hot and sour chicken. I couldn't finish it all so it's gonna do a repeat performance via microwave later upon request. A finale that can't be topped. And I have no idea where I'm going with this.
23!
"Woooooooooo, spookeh!!!"
And what is up with that saxaphone, anyway?!?!?!
Is he dreaming he's Kenny G?

Beep Beep, FutherMucker!!!

Since my favorite all time forum, CrapTV, is lost to me for the moment, I shall now share with you my listening choices of late. I basically filched the complete Cars discography from my sister, and burnt it onto a data cd, to shuffle around endlessly. I never realized they were anything more than cheese since they only showed them getting all wacky in their videos, and Ric Ocasek usually sang the lead vocals. and he's one creepy looking dude...
"So lets GO!!!"
I always preferred Benjamin Orr's voice myself. He is the reason I'd gotten onto the thought of really checking them out, then I found out he died in 2000.
Woops!!!
So I proceeded to scarf up youtube videos of them, and got my hands on the expanded debut album.
And proceeded to be... blown... away!!!
I never realized some of those songs were even by them. And that guitar player is a left handed god. To really get the full effect of these guys, you'd have to hear it all in order. Skip the reunion 1987 album or the New Cars, I burnt it for nothing other than anal completeness. I bet seeing these guys in concert would have been mindblowing. Tis sad it will never happen now...
Rest in Peace, Ben. Heard he played a final show then succumbed to cancer only six days later.
"Way to DRIVE it home..."
One last time.

All Hail El Rey!!!

I'm nearly ready to do it. Yes I am. Which will it be then? The choice is but simple...
I've got a bag of each new flavor of Dorito: Fiery Habanero, Blazin' Buffalo & Ranch, and Salsa Verde. I've liked every new flavor except Taco. Whoever came up with that should be drowned...
In the sludge that is the weepings of their failed existences.
"And so we begin..."


Fiery Habanero.
When you open the bag, nothing really jumps out at you and tickles your nosebuds. Noticeably missing is the large grained seasonings that make these bad boys what they normally are. But that's probably a good thing as my mouth is now heating up. Not bad. Not bad at all...

Blazin' Buffalo & Ranch.

After giving my mouth time to cool off, I will now tear into this bag now. I'm similarly not getting any special whiffs out of this bag, maybe I've got sinus issues. Biting into one is a pleasure, it is covered in powdery goodness from head to toe. It feel like the new Black Pepper, or dare I even say...

"The new Cool Ranch even?!?!?"

Next!

Salsa Verde.

I open the bag and my nose gets a little itchy. Hmmm. This will be a close one, the flavor is top notch but different from all the others. Yet I can't help but feel they skimped a little on the powdery goodness I do so crave. This one doesn't really grab you by the boo boo like the second one. And the first, although quite fiery, missed a texture to go with the feel of the chip.

All hail Blazin' Buffalo & Ranch!!!

You are truly a king among kings with a flavor to herald in the dawning of a new era of powdery goodness and tranquility. I regret nothing. But I knew the outcome of this battle deep down inside me. Black Pepper always got me due to its sheer pepperyness. This new one just overwhelms you, you want more til there is none. End of story.

I await the beginnings of larger bag size output of this flavor. It is the bomb. The other two are good, but this one blows them all away. I know there are a couple other flavors but I couldn't remember them, nor were there any other flavors to buy and add to the list of candidates in this quest. I also didn't want to put the originals or my current favorite in the mix. Maybe we can do a "Spice-Off" sometime in the future between Buffalo and Black Pepper. They will feel the vibrations for miles and miles.
Coming soon. Muy pronto!!! Just which is the best ice cream bar anyway? I'm gonna admit I'm already pulling for Snickers. But I'm also open to give each one their fair shot.

It just wouldn't be right not to...

So until next time:

"Keep your pantlegs covered with powder and keep reaching for your bags!!!"

Ridden Like A Dead Horse, I'd Say...

I went to see Ghost Rider last night. Because we didn't get our tickets early, someone had to wait in line. We get in and kinda all rush past the lady while she hands off the tickets to be torn. The lady asked if we were all with her as I sprinted for the door:
"They're all with you, aren't they?"
Thinking nothing of it, we sit down and await. The lady comes in three times and circles the room, the last time standing right in front of me and eyeballing me some. Lucy goes out after her, and I recline ever further into my chair...That's when the policeman comes swaggering up to me. Before he can harass me, I get up and go for the exit, where Lucy is straightening the lady out. I felt like I was being arrested for child pornography or something. It felt dirty. They asked me if those kids were mine.
What the fuck?!?!?
So I watch the movie and I gotta be honest. It wasn't that great. It was like they spent all their time worrying about the effects, and where they were going to shorten it so they could reput it on the Unrated DVD version, not on any cleverly written script. Just cheesedly redone dialogue and a few headscratchers. Not very thought provoking, or even abled to be chuckled at. Still, with the effects, however short it always seemed to be, I give it a solid B-. Nothing special, but better than nothing. This is one of those times I understand why they didn't hand out any pre release copies. So it can make some money before word of mouth gets out. It's on par with the Hulk, just a little shorter on wind...

Hell, I almost wonder if I wouldn't have made a better Johnny Blaze. It was just hard to give Cage much of a chance with the lines he spewed forth ever so frequently.Enough of this banter, I must check on my meatloaf baking in the oven. Everything else is just chillin': Mashed potatos, green beans with bacon, mac and cheese, some kind of skillet potatos, Graveh; what else could you possibly want...?A friend gave me the first season of Dead Like Me, and it looks good. I'm gonna go watch it...

Ghost Rider and the Rad, Bad, Nursing Home Nads!!!

So I'm getting ready to go see Ghost Rider after nearly a year of waiting. How cruel of the gods to show me that teaser trailer way back then!!! That day has finally come, and I'm giddy with anticipation. I hope that place isn't superpacked, because I want to be able to keep my buzz long enough to space out on it all. That's right, baby. Enhancements!!!
Speaking of enhancements...

It's hard to believe he was going to be the next Superman. But this one, Ghost Rider, already seems to suit him a little snugger than the Man of Steel's gay looking threads. I am really expecting this to knock me out and off of my feet. I'm going now, at 4:45 pm, to get our tickets. I don't want to get there and have it already sold out, because that would suck balls.

"Huge ones..."

Nursing home nads!!!

The redder the better I always say. Wait! What do I say, anyway?

"What do old men's balls taste like?"

DEPENDS...

I will return with news of the awesomeness of this epic blockbuster. Stay tuned...

Todays Menu: Cannibals, Autism, and White Trash Goodbyes...

Hannibal, it seems, is back once again...
Rising...
Yet this is a not so humble glance into his beginnings. What a storied life that fictional man lived. I guess at some point I need to read all those books so I can get the full effect of it all.
"And there was a younger, sleeker version of he in this one, kiddies!!!"

Well, he definitely had the cheesed, ever Hannibal-like questions down. That was one thing bothering me throughout this film. Another would be that hugantic, ginormous divot/dimple he had in his cheek, what the hell was that all about? Also would be the maniacal gleam he had in eyes constantly, unlike my main man, Sir Philip Anthony Hopkins. His look was always that of a calm, rationale psychopath. This kid was just creepy looking...

In the tale of the tape then, Hopkins lays waste to this kid. You want this kid to be just as good, but it just doesn't work in the end. The story, while watchable, is the poorest out of the whole bunch thus far. It is extremely slow and not nearly as head scratchingingly perplexing as the others.
"We give it a B-!!!"
If not for the gore, watered down some for the unrated DVD version, this would be C grade territory here. I looked up the guy playing young Hanny on the net, and found he was in that French werewolf movie, Brotherhood of the Wolf, which was actually pretty good, but can't remember who he even was. I just think he was a bad choice. I saw alot of other good ones in the opposingly villanous roles, but it's hard to make up for blowing the casting in the lead. Hannibal is too well loved by many to fuck it up like that. That would be like planning Star Wars Episodes 7-9 and casting Andy Dick as a elder Luke Skywalker, and Andy Griffith as the rogueish Han Solo. It just ain't happening, folks. I was disappointed, to say the least. But not completely bored with it all. I gave it a chance, what can I say?
I feel like there is more I should say, but can't. It's undefendable to me. The high point of the whole film was when there was a quiet part in the film and my daughter blurts out, in the perfect spot...
"Uncle Donnie?!?!?!?!?
I cracked up on that one. She is a chip off the old block, I couldn't help but be amazed, and proud, of her well timed quote. And for a ten year old, she's better than me at inserting the more bizarre movie quotes in at just the perfect place. When we came home from watching Grandma's Boy, she already had all of Dante's lines memorized. She is like Rain Man or something...
Yet I refuse to play Tom Cruise. Although, I could pretend for Katie Holmes, if she so chose. At least I'm taller.
"What's left, then?"
Anna Nicole Smith. Dead. That's about all that means to me. The Anti-Katie Couric, in mein eyes. Good riddance.
Until her autopsy report comes back...
And we find out who her baby's daddy is...

Doink, Doink, Turkey's Done!!!

Ok, I've fumed long enough. What the fuck happened to the Bears after that initial kickoff return? Actually, they got ever more horrendous as the rain increased. They acted like they had never played in the rain before. Indianapolis wasn't much better, hell, even the kicker doinked one. I guess the forces of nature really wanted a cheeseball fuck like Peyton to get his "due" or whatever the deal was for him to win the big one. I also did not watch the Prince halftime shindig. Just wasn't interested in watch a guy barely over five feet tall wielding his guitar like it was an extension of his manhood. But I did stay and watch the whole dabacle unfold. So...
On to next season then, after a quick romp this weekend to Hawaii for the Pro Bowl. I normally halfass watching it whilst doing other things. I'm just hoping Herm gets a little more going next year and that Priest and Larry can both go downtown on a regular basis. If they can both hang on the same team. I'm hoping. Larry is a workhorse and Priest is a razzle dazzle sort of guy. A lethal combination.
So let's have at it then, Juan Puto, give me your best shot, if you haven't actually forgotten where this lil slice of web heaven is. I'm waiting...
(Bitch...)
I know this is probably a lame post, but I can't be the shit everytime, now can I? And I like to share the lameness of my life and the lamer things that make my day go round; physically and mentally. Not just ramble on conspiracy theories and Sassafrassquatch sightings like there is no tomorrow. I liken it to those childhood trips to Sunday School at the Assemblies of God in Eldon, Missouri. Get up at the crack of dawn to get on the Joy Bus, ride to some overly adorned building, inside and out, endure their bullshit for a few hours, then hop back on the Joy Bus to be deposited at my driveway with...
"The prize!!!"
Yes, gang, nothing gets kids closer to Jesus than by promising them bags of candy when you drop them off at their house, after the attempted brainwashing. Sometimes, they gave you ice cream sandwiches, praise glory hallelujah!!! So if you can sift through the symphony of Worldly Clamour that is my thoughts and feelings, and get a chuckle or feel my anguish, then fuck it. It's all good. Enjoy the silliness, too. I'm going to go see Hannibal Rising Friday night, so I will have more time to myself and possibly might just be in the mood for something. I don't know exactly what yet, but I'm feeling it right now coming on...
Could be the bowl of Honey Bunches of Oats though...
I love trailing off in my sentences...