In the Outhouse with Uncle Graveh Again!!!

So this Christmas has gone shitty pretty quick due to recent events, not just one in particular, but a smattering of holiday "poo-ness" at every twist and turn. Today was a good one too. It involves me, the cruel gods, and the day I was supposed to have off tomorrow.
I bet you already know where this story is headed, don't you?
Well, basically some lady needed off work with some bogus, lame ass excuse about wanting a few extra days off so she could spend a little extra time with her grandkids. I've got shit to do too, you know...
Now the whole fiasco has sparked off a fierce debate on our whole written plans for what to do in case of needing to travel, like who has to travel and in what order. Basically a few have decided that their personal needs aren't being met before others, and want to start a coup. They will get what they think they want, a new plan of action, but...
Will it be filled with loopholes to get out of the job at hand?
I think not, I have three hours of drive time to think of how I'm gonna squash this new bug. That's right, tomorrow I will be getting up around 3:30 am, weeping of course, leaving at 4, to arrive by 5:30 am, in time to work my ass off until 2:45 pm, then spend another hour and a half driving home in thick traffic.
Fuck.
Life is not fair, but maybe I am being paid back for something a little less than honest I did a few months ago, at the expense of another coworker. I always felt bad about it too. Damn you Kharma!!!

Let's get with the love then. Where the hell is it? The thing that kills me is that I originally had the whole week off, but changed it to fit the down days where I work. At my boss's suggestion...
At least I have my own MP3 player now, and I plan on finishing loading that badboy up before the morn. Also a fatty or two may have to be rolled for both ways tripwise. I'm not worried about reeking of it, I have a system. Smoke it just right with the smoke exiting vehicle through thin cracked side window then possibly changing shirts with another spare in the trunk, if too paranoid. I also will smoke regular cigarettes out the yin-yang since I will be so frickin' sleepy. That will cover it even more. My eyes, you ask? Everybody who knows me, knows they are always red, and always have been too. I'm also clumsy and mumbly, so I pass without much notice.
If you are wondering about my Christmas exploits, they may or may not be reminisced about at a later date and post. I just haven't decided yet. I'm still lamenting my Chiefs most probably not making the playoffs...
It ain't over yet, but I'm needing a miracle here.

Not a Creature Was Stirring... (Not even a Drunkard!)

So after a weeklong hiatus where I had nothing within me to give, I find myself inspired by the likes of a simple film about football...
"A real tearjerker at its finest!!!"
Huh? I told you I had butter in my eye!!! But I did get a little misty a few times. This wasn't about the game though, this was about healing, and what it can take to get you there.
The Long Haul...
I had originally planned to go see Apocalypto, but when I mentioned it, my kids threw a fit. So we traded 138 minutes of boredom in the jungle for 127 minutes of me trying to "hold back the rain", so to speak. Well worth it though, I give it an A+ as far as sports movies go, and an A- overall. It had the customary cheese that is standard nowadays, and all the participants were the usual blemish free pretty people, but when you hear that chant...
WE ARE MARSHALL!!!
You feel it in your chest, if you have a heart at all, and it makes you feel for those who may have fallen recently. Those who won't see a Christmas this year, lives cut short by their own little tragedies (Russ). Learning that success in dealing with loss, and eventually coming to terms with it, although painful, can strengthen ties with those that are still with you. Those near and dear to your heart...
(LIke Jaypussy, HA!)
What else?
I have to be in Springfield tomorrow for the annual dinner and festivities with the parents. I will pig out as best as I can on Mom's fantastic feast, then hang out and watch kids open gifts. The wife is out taking care of the last minute gift getting and I am the lucky fool who will be wrapping presents like a madman late into the night.
"I hate you, Kris Kringle!!!
You make my life more difficult. Although I enjoy the light in my kids' eyes when they see what they got, I am bombarded with expectations, drunken "friends" looking for parties (and houses to destroy), and am left low in funds until the tax money comes in and saves the day. We have been better prepared in years of late, but this year I just don't seem to have it, that spark. It is cold as hell all the time, maybe due to my lack of blubber, yet we have no snow. I need something to make it feel like Christmas. So far it just feels like I'm freezing my balls off. I can't wait until New Years is over. I don't like to be around people drinking, but know they will be at every turn, hugging me... shaking my hand...
OVER AND OVER!!!
I'm not deeply into being touched, especially by inebriated fools who don't realize how foolish they really are. Luckily I work out and don't imbibe myself, so I rarely get fucked with. Those that do are sorry for it. It's not that I am unhappy with them because I myself want to drink again. No way, I'm done with that! I personally do not like the reminder of who I was when I drank or the stench. To see what they look like as they are trying to liven it all up for all those around them is pathetic. Stop already, no one even likes you...
"And you're not a very good breakdancer either!!!"
So give up alcohol this year if you wanna give me a present. Hell, call it a present to all of mankind if you want! Just leave me alone and keep your greasy, snot and vomit encrusted persons out of my personal territorial bubble. It is all that I ask. You know who you are...
Nuff said.
My son sold over $400 dollars worth of shitty merchandise for his choir's hokey fundraising efforts that you have to participate in if you want a good grade in the class. Unbelievably, yesterday he had won a bunch of prizes for his outstanding work, all the major ones. He got $35, and iPod Nano, and some iPod pillow thingie that plays your music through (that's right you guessed it!) a pillow that you sleep on! This means I also get his old MP3 player and my daughter doesn't have to keep letting me borrow hers to go workout to. So fucking sweet! I take back at least half of what I said about those soul soliciting pigfuckers at school and on the PTA. If you don't participate, you are obliged to give a donation out of your own pocket. This is if you want a decent grade. What the fuck?!?!?!?
I'm proud of him, he deserves it, and he's a good kid. And he got out there and sold shit I never thought could be sold to anyone in their right mind. And yes, now I don't have to buy him an iPod Nano...
"Or have to hear about them all the time!"
Blessed silence once again reigns supreme...
Thus the title...
Fin.

My Ass is Dragon, Mr. Eragon...

I saw a movie tonight. One of those that sneaks up on you and somehow, against all odds, and possibly even your better judgement, makes you go, "Wow, that was an enjoyable little ride. This was most definitely a thrill ride for kids of all ages, I used to play Advanced Dungeons & Dragons back in the day, mostly in the world of the Forgotten Realms. And a little Dark Sun in there. And Ravenloft a couple of times...
So this was damn good. Yes, it was a little Star Wars-ish or even Faintly wafting of Lorf of the Rings-ness (movie critics be damned!!!), but I think it held up pretty well. The computer induced special effects were pretty smooth instead of distracting, and the bad guys and swordplay were way better than the PG rating left me to believe. If this is a trilogy, I'm sold already, just keep it like it is, maybe bump it up to PG-13 next time...
Solid B+. Those first person flying on the back of a dragon scenes were breathtaking. Dizzying too at times. They cranked this baby up too, all the whoooooooshes! and dull THUDS! you could feel deep, deep down. I like it when they do that. I'm practically fucking deaf due to iPod usage.
Also, Lamar Hunt died. He was the owner of the Kansas City Chiefs and many other things, including most influencing dood in NFL football. He even came up with the name SUPERBOWL, helped blacks, and other minorities, gain a stronger foothold in this wonderful sport, and was just an all around great guy with a nose for business and adventure. He cofounded the Chicago Bulls and had a hand in many other sports. He will be sorely missed. What a way for my team to finish strong, barely make it into the playoffs and...
"Take a breath"
Work their way through all the teams in a Rocky-like fashion and win won for Lamar. He had wanted a Thansgiving game in K.C. for decades, and when he got one, he ended up in the hospital the night before the game. He deserves this, guys.
We deserve this!
Let's bring the RING back home, boys...

En Garde, Honkie!!!

I figured out how to keep unwanted lips off your food at work, I don't eat anything anyone else likes. I can remember a day when all I had to eat was a package of those orange colored peanut butter crackers.
"And some motherfucker ate em!!!"
Not cool...
I starved that day, thanks to some heartless bastard. But this is no longer a problem for me. I work with a bunch of country, well fed peoples now. My lunch today consisted of:
1 Banana, still kinda green
1 Apple, green and a bit tarty
1 can Southwest Chicken Vegetable soup
1 can Sardines
1 Yogurt, blueberry
If my lunchbox had Cheezits, or any kind of pastry thing filled or unfilled, or anything edible by the non-healthy-conscious kind, it'd be pilfered regularly. But I often like to bring whole fish to work and watch them squirm. That's right, head and all. Still the same fish, tastes good too. No one touches my lunch now. This actually works better than the plan I tried last time, where I brought most of my food from the Asian market.
Yes, delicious bamboo caterpillars, fried to shoestring potato perfection! I tried the crickets, but they weren't as good. They also had an interesting assortment of canned fishes of many flavors, many most kick ass as I have tried them and felt pleasure in eating them. Yea. Amen.
It is bedtime, and although I really didn't have a set purpose for coming here, I feel better already. It is nice to wing it just this once.
"Ok ok, who am I kidding here?"
Like the Greatest American Hero...
On a wing and a prayer, baby...

Go and Elf Yo-Self!!!

Sweeet. I still haven't seen Apocalypto yet, but I've at least bought a tree and have it inside on the stand. I have to buy some of that snow in a spray can before I can put the ornaments and sparkly jibba jabba on it. I also cleaned out all the gutters on the roof, and raked clean about a fourth of the front yard. Tomorrow will be a more prosperous day, except from about noon to 3:30.
"Chiefs, baby!!!"
I hate when I have no comments on my blog. I occasionally leaf through other's blogs to see what up and am shocked to see that the lame shit they go on about gets commented and commented upon like it's nothing short of R-tard brilliance.
So don't be shy...
Comment!!!
Or you can go elf yo-self.

Apocalypto Skipped Oh!!!

We were all set to see this, or at least I was, with twenty minutes to get out the door. I scurried my way towards the living room and found everybody laying around like there was a carbon monoxide leak, or had just finished a bountiful Thanksgiving dinner. I realized that I was hurrying for no reason so I gave up. I didn't even want to see the stupid movie anyway! But I'd already created this Mad Mel picture for your viewing enjoyment. We may still see this movie this weekend so a review might be forthcoming at a later date and time. Nice way to drag out that sentence. I work for the Guv'ment, I'm a pro...
So what's doing with me then? Not much, I've been sitting in front of a screen wondering why-for do I do this. Haven't made much headway into it either. It's possible I may be retarded or something.
I have watched most of Empire of the Sun recently, in parts at bedtime. What a great late night toke up and kick back flick to partaketh of. All I can say is wow. I may buy this if it's supercheap and start the Christian Bale collection from the start. I'm waiting for The Prestige and The Illusionist to come out on DVD so I can watch them in bed too, or on the bigscreen whilst laying around the couch. I'm pretty versatile in that capacity.
I feel like I'm sitting here waiting to be inspired or something but it's long overdue. The only thing I've felt like doing is sitting around in my long johns and listening to George Michael and Wham. I know what you're saying. Things must be going pretty damn good, right?
"Stir Crazy..."
I was wondering when they'd pipe in.
Did you now...?
It's cold here all the time now and I haven't even started putting up Christmas lights or the tree yet. Looks like my dance card is going to be full all weekend having Xmas tree rash on my forearms from lugging that shit out in the cheek chilling Arctic wind that seems to find its way down your jacket's neckhole and back up into your poopshoot. I'm really beginning to hate the holidays for anything other than overtime pay. I'm never prepared and poorly motivated. Thus I lament...
I'm tired, but will be quite busy all weekend. Maybe I can get a little narcolepto at Apocalypto and catch 138 minutes of ZZZ's under the guise of intense concentration at the subtitles occupying the bottom of the screen.
"No one will be the wiser..."
I'm going to retire now to youtube and possibly live/leak as well. I'm bushed, browbeaten, vaklempt, plumb tuckered...
Spent even!
Onward through my dreams, like sheeps to the slaughter...

Don't It Make My Brown Eye Blue?

I hate the Cleveland Browns. Why didn't they just lay down and die like they were supposed to? A win in overtime hurt so much more, especially when we got the coin toss. We really needed that win too. Looks like Denver is gonna be a game up on us again. But this game wasn't without it's usual skullduggery...

This is for you, Mr. Referee. He was out of bounds before the clock ran out. What happened to automatic instant replay in the last two minutes?!?!?!? So, robbed of the possible game winning kick or Hail Mary, not to mention the numerous uncalled holds and pass interference snafus, we finally caved in at the end, 31-28.
Any fucking given Sunday, I'm told. You don't lose to the Browns, you tear that ass up! Time to figure out where we went wrong here, and fix it with only four games left. We must get in the playoffs, the only teams that seem to beat us don't make it into the playoffs. We hang with the big dogs better, and the shitty ones sneak up and flick us right on our gosh durned taints!
Sorry for the language, folks. I'm still dealing with shock and disbelief here...

Derrick Thomas, a Chief Among Men...

A charitable man, not a bad bone in his body, except when he was on the field. I still miss him...
Going to see The Pick of Destiny tonight, hope it doesn't suck.
I've got my fingers cra-w-w-w-w-w-w-ssed, Freddy?
Cra-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w...
St!