That being said, I ponder whether it is better to not care, or to know how to properly let go in instances where either people want out of your life, or are ripped violently from it.
I would take the former, as it means there is at least still a person there to wonder WTF about. The other scares me much more. My parents are getting older, and talk about there ailments. I hate thinking about it. I would gladly let my loved ones divvy up my remaining years between them. I love them that much.
In the end, we are all fools, and most grasp futilely for a dreamland where we all reunite gleefully after the GRAND SLEEPFEST.
Fools, indeed...
Just a rare feeling for a sturdy gal like moi. I've been working out pretty decently hard. I'm benching 205 pounds pretty handily, before I spaghetti armed it to just accomplish a single wobbly rep.
I'm also eating super healthy, and sparingly at the moment. I'm trying to hit those last few fatty spots so I can lay down nothing but meat on these bones. I'm also waiting for skin to shrink again a bit. I think I look pretty dang sweeet, but the last little flab and skin hide how much it is actually getting cut. I even spend my whole day at work just tensing up my stomach and other exercises to get a headstart before the gym at night.
Plus: bicycle sit up thangies, yayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!
I saw Michonne doing them on The Walking Dead back at the prison, and I tried to do one, and failed miserably...
Now I can do them endlessly and effortlessly. Still need to completely NEVER smoke cigarettes, and need to take a weed break at some point.
Soon, I will be getting somewhere, and will erase the last of the nasty habits. I'd also like to do that mentally. Good luck, but I will try. I'm very disciplined in many areas, but weak in the flesh...
And late night snack attacks.
Anyhoo, need to figure out a movie to watch on the bigscreen now. I'd like to do a marathon, I was thinking about all the Marvel stuff, but I don't have access, or own, much of it. I'd like to find it all supercheap on blu ray, as that's all I've bought for awhile.
I've already watched Neighbors a million times. Music video concert stuffnage...?
I just don't know. For awhile now I feel like I lack something, but what is it?
As if finding it would turn that corner, and burst that bubble. I would magically feel again.
I guess it is not that grand of a scheme for me, it will either gradually fade back in, or it won't, or jut give me an occasional sip from its cooling oasis of frothy, clear liquid love juices...
Gay cheese is all I'm capable of tonight, folks. Hope I get a killer desktop again so I can get deeper inside again. Laptops suck balls...
