Dingleberries From Heaven...

No, Han!!!
Look out for that...
Nevermind.
So, like a fool I am waiting. Carbon frozed. Waiting to be thawed. Then maybe the blindness from the whole process will keep me oblivious to all that is swirling ominously around me for a time.
I laid in the dark of my room for about an hour tonight. Or layed, whichever...
Wondering...
When's gonna come my time, Lord?!?!?
Yeah, right.
I need flavor, I need the unknown. My problem is that when I find such a thing, I crush the last droplets of juice out of it quickly, hungrily, and most greedily. Then I discard and pine for the sweet nectar of that which I've...
Cast into the dirt.
Like an unwashed Wookie with dingleberries the size of baseballs.
I would like to love things, or even to love to like things. Right now, everything and everyone is an object to be used and put back in its case. Tucked away snugly for the next time. The only problem is...
Why can't you all just stay nicely fucking tucked away?
And another thing. Why do people insist on touching me? One guy I work with punches me in the arm several times a day or wraps his arm and stuff around me. I think he's gay. It would make sense since he's a deacon in a church.
I always just try to shirk as far away from him as possible. And when people strike up chats with me, they get the stare. Or a mumbled, "Huh?"
Preoccupation with the investigation of the mastication of my personal relations...
I need a vacation!

Trouble With a Capital T...

I can't believe it has all come to this. I began this blog when I was in the fairest of health. Mentally and physically. I can't believe you stole my only kiss. My only kiss...
I wish for a twist, I wish for a turn. I wish the knife wouldn't twist. I wish the knife wouldn't twist.
Amor, I am not weak. I am the strongest of wills. Let me fucking show you, let me just...
Win?
I love you, I love nobody after. I am done. I am almost done. I can't take anymore of this. I am too fragile. I am too fucking fragile. Oh, Tokyo.....................................

To be strong is to be without you. Can't you see? No matter what it is, it's suicide. Were you put there to torment me further?
I won't cry for yesterday, I will make new tomorrows. To believe anything else is to die, though I sometimes think it is better for all those around me. To die young, to die. To cease, to fucking cease, yet to be reborn anew. I can stop giving a fuck. I will not stop breathing, though. I will win, in spite of all of you. I will do it on mein own. I will hate everyone over it, I hate you all already.
I can resist you. No, I can't. Yes, I can. Didn't I already tell you my middle name is TROUBLE?

Hey Folks...

Long time no see. Sorry, been busy fucking my life up. I guess what really sucks in the end about it is that you invest so much of your time and your SELF to someone or something. Then they decide to take a giant shit all over you. I'm tired of not wanting to think or feel. I'm tired of waiting, of dreaming. Of wanting, of pining...
Of being one giant pussy. What is the point of finding out the things you think you want to know, to hear...?
I don't want to win the race anymore, I'd just be happy to reach the finish line with my head held high. I've hurt some people, and I've been hurt too. I want happiness, and for those around me to be also. Ehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...